Good Times Online
by Gonzo250
Summary: Friday night. Kim's bored. She logs on to MSN. She then proceeds to have quite a lifechanging conversation with 3 of the most unlikely people in the world. M for language and naughtiness. There will be KiGo in this AT SOME POINT.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a brainfart I had in the shower of all places. Yes, I'm writing myself into it, but from a 3rd person perspective, like I'm just another fictional character. Marc is also a real person and is only written in as he specifically told me to do it or he'd post shooped pictures of me all over 4chan.

As ff.n doesn't seem to like site or email addresses in stories, I've edited them so they show up, so just imagine they're real links like wot you'd type out. Also, that is not my real email address. It's close, but not the real deal.

CHAPTER 1

It was Friday night and Kim was at a loss for something to do. Ron was at Felix's killing computer zombies and Monique was at some fashion seminar, so the redhead was stuck by herself. Remembering her computer was for stuff other than checking out the latest fashion at Club Banana and downloading music and porn, although she'd never, EVER confess to the last one, she'd die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out she masturbated, she logged on to her hotmail account and found several people had added her email address to their msn messenger programs.

Denying most of them with the mental reason she'd probably never get round to talking to them or they were just creepy stalker types that wanted to harass her, she came across 2 that intrigued her. The first being someone who was, at least, claiming to be Shego. "If this is really Shego, why on earth would she want to talk to me online?" She mused aloud. She accepted the add without any major fuss.

The second grabbed her attention because it was just too funny to resist. 'Almighty mulletman? What kind of email address is that? I gotta speak to this guy purely to find out what the sitch is on that!' The redhead giggled out loud, accepting the add.

Navigating to her main msn window. She saw that this 'almighty mulletman', whose screen name was 'Gonzo', was online. "Well, at least I got someone to talk to for the moment." She confided to the monitor.

She opened a chat window and initiated a conversation:

KP: Hey. Who's this?

Gonzo: Sup biatch. I R Gonzo. I'm gonna assume for now you're the real Kim Possible and not just some sad inbred posing as her.

KP: O…k.

KP: I gotta ask, what's with the email address? It made me lol.

Gonzo: You want the long-winded version or a quick skim?

KP: Quick skim, please and thankyou. lol.

Gonzo: kk. Basically, got the nickname at college when I turned up one day with a mullet. The screen name is a spinoff I got from work.

KP: lol. Mullet. You remind me of Motor Ed. How did you end up with the screen name?

Gonzo: Spose you want the short version again.

KP: Please and thankyou.

Gonzo: Nobody ever wants to hear the long versions… Maybe it's cuz I ramble like an old man. Anyhoo, my college nickname got round at work, cuz I was a bit… haphazard, shall we say, they changed it to almighty muppetman to be spiteful. Later someone decided as 'The Great Gonzo' was possibly the daftest muppet of the lot, I was labelled such from then on.

KP: lol/ you do ramble like an old man.

KP: lol.

Gonzo: Oh, thanks. :P

KP: You're welcome.

Gonzo: Anyway, now you've bled me for info, can it be my turn nao plz?

KP: nao plz? Wtf?

Gonzo: Ah, you can't be the real Kim! She'd never swear!

KP: I didn't swear! I just insinuated it! And this is online. It's different.

Gonzo: Yeah, ok. Cam or you're lying. Nao plz: now please.

KP: Oh. Gotcha. And what do you mean by cam or I'm lying?

Gonzo: I see by the little wossname in the corner you have a webcam. Switch the fucker on or I assume you're a sad wannabe and block you.

KP: O: Language! -is offended-

Gonzo: My bad. So, cam or no cam? -mouse hovers over block button-

KP: Ok, ok, gimme a sec.

Gonzo: -waits-

'Jeez, why am I proving who I am to this guy?' She thought to herself as she clicked the button for her webcam, adjusting it so her whole upper body and head was in shot.

Gonzo accepted and it was a while before he replied:

KP: You still there?

Gonzo: … OMG!

Gonzo: You really weren't lying! Holy fucking shit, I'm talking to THE Kim Possible! Jesus H. Fucking Christ there is a god!

KP: Seriously! Language please!

Gonzo: Sorry. My bad. I was just a little overcome with surprise. I literally fell off my seat.

KP: -giggles- you dummy!

Gonzo: Well I've seen the cartoon series they did on you, but I never, not in a zillion fucking years, thought I'd speak to the real deal!

KP: Grrr! Language! But I suppose I should be flattered that you hold me in such seemingly high regard.

Gonzo: You kidding? No, actually, I won't go into it cuz you'll probably think I'm, to coin a phrase, 'wrongsick'. :P

Gonzo: Oh, and the language? I'm an Englander and I worked in a factory. You're considered weird if you -don't- swear. But then I'm weird anyway.

KP: You live in England?! Isn't that like… 6 hours ahead of my time?

Gonzo: Roughly. It's just gone 2:15am here.

KP: So what are you still doing up at that hour? Are you nocturnal or something? lol.

Gonzo: Getting that way. :P

Gonzo: I was browsing t3h interbutts for pr0nz.

KP: In English please?

Gonzo: I was surfing the net for pron.

Gonzo: Porn, even.

KP: Eww! Gross! Waaaaaay TMI!

Gonzo: You asked. :P Bet you got your own little stash somewhere, no doubt. :P

KP: O: Rude! I'm a perfect lady and I'd never degrade myself by looking at that filth!

Gonzo: You really aren't any good at lying. Even over the internet. :P

KP: -blushes- Was it that obvious?

Gonzo: Yes. The fact that your face went bright red on camera helped give it away too. :P

KP: OMG! PLEASE don't tell anyone! I'd DIE of embarrassment if anyone else found out!

Gonzo: Fukken lawl!

KP: I'm being serious! What will it take to get you not to tell?

Gonzo: Quit yer whinin'. I'll keep shtum.

KP: Thankyou SOOOO much! -hugs-

Gonzo: One o' them in RL would be nice though. :P

KP: RL?

KP: Wait, I got it now.

Gonzo: goodgood. :P

KP: So do you have a webcam? Seems a little unfair I don't get to see who you are.

Gonzo: Yeah, gimme a sec to set the useless POS up.

KP: Cool.

Gonzo proceeded to set his own up, propping it up on a big pile of books and some other crap he had sitting in the corner of his desk and sent the invite. Kim accepted and a few seconds later, the redhead was looking at the strange Englishman with the funny nicknames.

KP: You look funny. :P

Gonzo: -rolls eyes- everyone says that. I would respond with the same, but I'd be lying.

KP: What do you mean?

Gonzo: I take it hidden compliments are lost on you an' all. :P

KP: Are not!

Gonzo: Well you didn't get that one, and it wasn't exactly well camouflaged. :P

KP: d: yourself! Tell me what you meant!

Gonzo: Oho! Getting forceful now, are we? Tut, tut. :P

Gonzo: The not-so-hidden compliment was me saying, in plain English so it's not lost in translation, you are absolutely fucking stunning. So ner. :P

Gonzo: Aww. You really are cute when you blush. :P

Kim was, indeed, blushing something fierce, much to the obvious amusement of her foreign friend.

KP: Uh, thanks. :)

Gonzo: No problem. :D

Just then, another conversation window popped up:

Shego: Hey, princess.

KP: Is that really you, Shego?

Shego: I should ask the same of you, but then I did get your address from Wade after threatening to torch his ass, so I guess there's no need.

KP: Ok, I guess that really is you.

Shego: Damn straight it's me! Who else do you know who has access to the InTerrorNet and StalkMail?

KP: Oops. Didn't check the end of your email address.

Shego: Doy.

Gonzo's window started flashing:

Gonzo: Who else ya chatting to? Cuz you don't blush for no reason and I still got you on cam. :P

KP: Nosey! I'm talking to Shego. I asked if it was really her and she pointed out she was the only person I know to have a StalkMail account.

Gonzo: kk. Any chance you could get her to add me:D

KP: LOL! Keep working on that PDP, cuz it just makes me laugh. I'll see what I can do.

Gonzo: Fukken sweet!

KP: Although I won't bother if you keep swearing like that! GRRR!

Gonzo: Sorry! As I said, I'm an Englander, I can't help myself!

KP: Yeah, ok.

She flicked back to Shego's window.

KP: Hey, you wanna add my new friend?

Shego: Why would I wanna do that?

KP: Cuz he's from England and is actually pretty cool, if a bit weird-looking. And he swears too much.

Shego: Only you would pick up on the swearing. Damn goody-two-shoes cheerleader. Yeah, gimme the address and I'll add the weirdo if it'll shut you up.

KP: Thankies! almighty-mulletman(at)msn-co-uk

Shego: Done. Will that get you off my back? And where in fuck did he get an email address like that?!

KP: Yup. And language! You'll have to ask him yourself. :P

KP: Why'd you add me anyway?

Shego: Why not? Got nothing better to do with my evenings than sit in front of a godforsaken computer and chat to people. It's not as if I can go out anywhere and socialize.

KP: I suppose you got a point there.

KP: What do you make of Gonzo then?

Shego: Who?

KP: My new English friend.

Shego: What, you want me to talk to him as well now? Jeez, talk about asking a lot of someone!

Shego: Oh wait, no need. Your English buffoon has started a conversation all by himself.

KP: He's a brunette actually. Kinda cute if you get rid of the weird goatee.

Shego: Why didn't you say he'd got a fucking beard in the first place?! Guys with beards are hot!

Shego: Wait… I did not just tell you that, did I?

KP: -laughs hysterically-

Shego: Ok, maybe I did…

Shego flicks to Gonzo's window:

Gonzo: Sup Shego.

Shego: Nothing much. Is Kim right in saying you got a goatee?

Gonzo: Damn straight.

Shego: Pics or it didn't happen.

Gonzo: -blinks- Please tell me that wasn't just coincidence and you're a fellow /b/tard!

Shego: 4chan all the way, baby!

Gonzo: I think I've died and gone to heaven!

Gonzo: Has invited you to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)

Gonzo: You have accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.

Shego: Wow. That's one impressive goatee. And Kim was right. You are kinda cute.

Gonzo: -cringes- Please for the love of Raptor Jesus DO NOT CALL ME CUTE!!!

Gonzo: As you can tell if you had your eyes on the cam, I physically cringe and shudder when someone uses that word.

Shego: Rofl! Man, that display actually had me in stitches!

Gonzo: I'm glad I amused you.

Shego. You're cute when you frown.

Gonzo: You said that on purpose!

Shego: Fukken roflpwnd! -wipes tears away-

Gonzo: You're evil, you know that?

Gonzo: Forget I said that. I got no real desire for you to start calling me a buffoon.

Shego: lol. Nah, I'd rather call you CUTE instead.

Gonzo: FOR FUCK'S SAKE! -wishes he'd kept his mouth shut-

Shego: lol. You love it really.

Gonzo: Only cuz it's you. Anyone else woulda got a snotty reply and b&.

Gonzo: On that note, pics or it didn't happen to you too, biatch.

Shego: Whatever. Gimme a sec.

Gonzo: kk.

Gonzo: Has invited KP to the conversation.

KP: Wow. Cool. I didn't know you could do that.

Gonzo: Easy when you know how. Even though I only found out by accident yesterday.

Shego: Is inviting you both to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)

Shego: You have both accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.

Gonzo: In't this nice? All three of us having a jolly old chat with video.

KP: -giggles- Weirdo/

Shego: Whatever.

Gonzo: Shego, not that I'm complaining (far, far from it!) but do you wear anything else besides that truly epic catsuit?

KP: Yeah, I've only ever seen you wearing that too.

Shego: FYI, yes, I do. I have plenty of short skirts and low cut tops and shit. I just don't get a chance to wear them very often. Blue boy has absolutely no concept of decency, so I have to be 'on call' 24/7 unless I 'persuade' him to give me some holiday. -grins evilly-

KP: O: Language, Shego! And I DO NOT want to know what you do to Drakken to get holiday!

Gonzo: I do! I do!

Gonzo: I also wouldn't mind seeing you in those other clothes you were on about, but we won't go there…

KP: Gonzo, you're disgusting!

Gonzo: Flattery will get you everywhere. Anyway, who you calling disgusting, eh?

KP: DON'T YOU DARE!

Shego: Oooooh, with a blush like that, it's gotta be something extra-juicy! Spill, Gonzo, spill!

KP: Gonzo, if you dare breathe a WORD! I'll get Wade to set me up a ride RIGHT NOW and kick your ass into next week, in person!

Gonzo: Just to meet you in person is quite tempting. :P

Gonzo: But I won't say. I gave you my word.

Shego: Aww! Booooooring! -sulks-

Gonzo: Well let's see if Kim will tell us herself, shall we?

KP: Never in a million years!

Shego: And just how do you propose we do that, mulletman?

Gonzo: Easy. If you admit to it too, then judging by Kim's reaction, she'll have no choice but to spill.

KP: You're more evil than Shego! I don't know why I'm still here!

Gonzo: I do. It's cuz you wanna know if Shego does it too. :P

KP: …ok, you got me there.

Shego: Wait, what am I admitting to?

Gonzo: Do you download pr0nz and fap? Yes, I realize you can't actually fap, but you know what I mean.

Shego: Is the Pope catholic? Is my skin green? Do I work for the biggest bozo on the face of the earth?

Shego: Is Kim now turning a deeper shade of red than a beetroot?

Shego: HELL YES!!!

Gonzo: Oh fukken lawl!

Shego: No prizes for guessing you do, britfag. :P

Gonzo: Doy. :P

Gonzo: I probably shouldn't be as proud as I am of how much of it I have though…

KP: Dare I ask? -blushes more-

Gonzo: … Over 40gb…

Shego: -gawps-

KP: That's just sick and wrong!

Gonzo: I won't tell you what a…range… of sexual deviations that lot covers then.

Shego: Do it! Do it!

KP: Seriously, no. Please don't do it!

Gonzo: I wasn't about to. Sorry to disappoint, but this is for my knowledge only.

Gonzo: Anyway, I do believe it was Kim's turn to confess…

KP: Dammit! I thought you'd forgotten!

Shego: And there you are telling US not to swear! Come on, Kimmie. You know we do, we can guess that you do, but you gotta tell us yourself. :P

KP: Okay! Okay! I masturbate! Happy?

Gonzo: In't she …cute… when she blushes?

Shego: lol! Yup.

KP: SHUT UP! And Shego, I swear to god if you tell anyone else, I'll flay you alive!

Shego: Tsk, tsk, princess. Threats will do you no good. :P

Gonzo: You know we'll keep it to ourselves anyway, Kim. Or at least I will.

Shego: Who am I gonna tell anyway? Drakken? I don't think he's even hit puberty yet. The seniors wouldn't really care. Junior's gay anyway. Dr. Dementor's too busy inventing spastic gadgets to have any time for anyone besides himself and DNAmy and Monkey Fist are too wrapped up in each other to do anything but laugh.

Gonzo: I knew it! I fucking knew Junior was queer!

Shego: You don't even know him!

Gonzo: If he acts anywhere near as camp in real life as he does in the cartoon, how could he not be gay?

Shego: …Fair point.

KP: Ok, I trust you to keep it to yourself.

Shego: …Wait, you trust me now?

KP: Do I have any choice in the matter?

Shego: I suppose not…

Gonzo, while keeping an eye on the current chat window, had opened up another one to brag to one of his friends. 'I'm fucked if I'm not gonna rub his nose in this!' He thought as he typed in both windows frantically.

Gonzo: Sup dude. I bet you a tenner you won't be able to guess who I'm on cam to!

Marc: Not a clue mate, and I'm skint, so I ain't taking you up on the bet.

Gonzo: Bah! Bloody n00b! I'm only talking to the two fittest females on the entire fucking planet!

Marc: …Sorry, I got nothin.

Gonzo: Kim Possible and Shego you epic dunce!

Marc: PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

Gonzo: I can do better than that, dude. Wanna talk to 'em yourself?

Marc: Dude, I would actually let you buttfuck me if I knew you weren't lying.

Gonzo: Get the lube ready, cuz you're not gonna be able to sit down for a fucking month. :P

Flipping back to Kim and Shego's window, he quickly answered what Shego had just asked him:

Shego: Why you grinning like an idiot, mullet boy?

Gonzo: Cuz I'm just about to rub my mate's nose in the fact that I'm talking to the two most gorgeous females in the known universe. :P

Shego: Have you taken lessons in how to be cheesy?

Gonzo: Has invited Marc to the conversation.

Gonzo: I was only stating fact, Shego.

KP: Stop it! You're making me blush! Again!

Gonzo: heh. Getting quite good at it too, I see.

Marc: Gonzo, I hate you more than anything else in the world right now.

Gonzo: Fukken lawl!

Shego: Who's this?

Gonzo: My friend whose nose has now been completely rubbed in it. :P

KP: Ooh, have you got cam too?

Marc: For you, anything.

Marc: Has invited you all to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)

Marc: You have accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.

KP: He's cute! Can I take him home with me?

Gonzo: You're in there, mate! Just pray she digs tats. :P

Marc: G, I take it back. I love you! You fucking rock!

Gonzo: -buffs nails; Yeah, I know.

Marc: Kim, you can do anything with me you fucking like!

KP: Then I'm gonna kick your ass for swearing! pouts

Marc: I apologise. I tend to swear a lot when I'm excited.

KP: Gonzo just seems to swear a lot in general.

Marc: You should hear him in RL. He hardly ever stops! F'ing this, f'ing that… The language that comes out of that bloke's mouth is disgusting!

Gonzo: Thanks, mate. I owe ya one for that. Cunt.

Shego: Oooh, I'm liking you more and more, mr. mulletman.

Gonzo: Is that so? -grins-

Shego: Wait, what's that in your teeth? Did you forget to floss? Cuz that's just gross!

Gonzo: No, it's a piercing. It's called a Smiley. Goes through that little web of skin between your top lip and gum.

He proceeded to lift his top lip up to show off the metalwork.

KP: Ew! How could you get that done?

Gonzo: Quite easily. Snot like it hurt. Stung for about half an hour, but after a quick beer, it went away and I forgot about it.

Marc: You wanna see the other one he's got.

Gonzo: wtf you on about? I don't have any others, dumbarse!

Marc: Yeah you do. Prince Albert?

Gonzo: I still haven't got it done yet.

Marc: eh? You said you had.

Gonzo: I said I was planning on it.

KP: …What's a prince albert?

Gonzo: Click the link for a picture: www-lemonparty-org

KP: ok, cool.

Marc: FUKKEN ROFL!

Shego: That's just mean! But it's fucking funny!

KP: EW! GROSS! THAT IS JUST FUCKING WRONGSICK! YOU'RE DISGUSTING! I HATE YOU!

Gonzo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Marc: Fucking classic! Dude, I'm buying you a beer for that!

On realizing what Gonzo had just done, Marc couldn't keep a straight face and grinned. Gonzo had managed to keep a dead straight face and Shego let a slight smirk show. However, the look on Kim's face and her reaction caused the other three to break down into literally fits of laughter. Shego had slipped off her seat and could be seen curled up in a ball shaking from laughing so hard. Gonzo wasn't much better having to hold on to his desk for support and Marc had gone completely red and was having trouble breathing.

Kim was far from amused and sat there glaring at the others through the webcam with her arms folded.

Minutes passed and the three /b/tards managed to control their laughing enough to hold a normal conversation again, but they couldn't stop smirking and occasionally one would lapse back into a quick fit of giggles.

Shego was the first to recover:

Shego: Back on topic, It's a penis piercing. And if you get it done, I am SO coming to England to see it!

Gonzo: Looks like I'm going down the piercing shop tomorrow then…

Marc: You're pathetic! You'd get your dick pierced for a woman?

Shego: S'cuse me?

Gonzo: Marc, ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!! Just LOOK at her! I'd staple my nutsack to my forehead if it meant I had a shot with the woman! Aside from a certain redhead, she's THE SEXIEST female on the planet!

Shego: You mean to say you'd rather have Kim over me?

KP: -blushes- I still hate you, though!

Gonzo: No. I'd have both of you at the same time if I could, although the bad girl image does sway it in your favour a fair way. And Kim, I apologise sincerely, but that was just too good an opportunity to pass up. :P

KP: Hey! I resent that! I can do the whole 'bad girl' thing! And I suppose I can forgive you.

Shego: No you couldn't. Don't lie.

KP: I so could!

Shego: Could not!

KP: Could! Couldcouldcould no returns.

Shego: ok, prove it. Get your tits out on cam.

Gonzo: Funny, I thought there was no such thing as a whole body blush. Learn summat new every day I spose. :P

KP: SHUT UP!

Marc: lawl!

Shego: See? Told you you couldn't do it. Amateur.

KP: You wanna bet?

Kim, much to their amusement, fell for yet another trap and reached behind her and undid her bra, pulling it out from under her top before pulling the t-shirt up to expose her pert breasts.

Gonzo grinned like the Cheshire cat while both Shego and Marc just gawped.

KP: There. Told you I could do it!

Gonzo: FUKKEN SAVED!!!!!!!!!111!1!!!1111oneone

Marc: wtf?

KP: What do you mean?

Shego: S'cuse me?

Gonzo: Ever wonder what the 'Print Screen' button was for?

Marc: dude, you fucking ledge!

Gonzo: Why the fuck you think I was grinning while you and Snow White were gawping?

Shego: I still don't get it.

KP: …omg!

KP: DELETE THAT PICTURE NOW!

Gonzo: Not on your life! You think I'll ever get to see 'em again? I want a reminder of just how epic that was!

Shego: Ohhhh! I get it now! lol.

Shego: …actually, bitch, I'm the jealous type and I don't share! I'm with Kim. DELETE THE FUCKING PICTURE, MULLET BOY!!!

Gonzo: Cha gonna do if I don't?

Shego: I'll get my ass on a plane to England and burn your dick off before you get the chance to get it pierced!

Gonzo: -deletes the picture asap-

Gonzo: Ok, it's gone. I no longer have it on my computer's hard drive, I swear. Are you happy now?

Shego: Very.

Marc: oh lawl. That was some funny shit to watch!

KP: Ok, this is really starting to bug me now. CAN EVERYONE QUIT SWEARING?!! Seriously, I consider myself quite tolerant of most things, but swearing is not one of them!

Gonzo: ok, ok, get off yer soapbox! I honestly apologise for my language, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's become so ingrained I can't find an 'off' button. I got a feeling Marc's not much better. I doubt Shego's gonna even make an attempt to stop (not that it's a problem for me -winks-)

Marc: Speak for yourself, cripple! I'll do me best to stop swearing, Kim.

KP: Aww, thanks! -hugs- You're just too cute!

Marc: -hugs back- No problem little laydee.

Gonzo: -gags- I think I'm gonna be sick.

Marc: Just cuz you ain't gettin' anywhere with Shego doesn't mean you have to take it out on us.

Shego: Who says he's not? Here, just for you, Gonzo…

Partly to get one-up on Kim, and partly to get Gonzo to give her his full attention, Shego unzipped her catsuit and flashed her own assets, pulling a sexy pose with one foot up on the edge of her desk as she bit her finger in an innocent manner.

All three just stared, Gonzo not even able to tear his eyes away from the screen as his finger hit the 'Print Screen' button a second time.

As Shego covered herself up again and resumed her normal pose, Gonzo frantically opened 'Paint' and pasted the image into the program, saving it and making several copies before even attempting to crop the picture.

Shego: You'd better have got a screenshot of that, cuz I refuse to bare myself in front of Kim or your friend ever again… Unless you're involved. :P

Gonzo: …I'm speechless. I'm actually speechless. The catsuit shows off the curves, but… DAMN, woman! I nearly came!

KP: I really hope you didn't cuz that's just gross! TMI on Sooooooo many levels!

Marc: lol. And would it be gross if it was me doing it over you, Kim?

KP: -blushes- That's different! You're cute! His beard scares me!

Gonzo: -raises an eyebrow- Why does everyone think it's scary? I really can't work that one out…

Marc: Quit yer whinging, dude. Shego digs it. Be happy.

Gonzo: -grins- Believe me, I couldn't be happier. I got the world's most wanted woman lusting after my crippled ass. What more could I possibly want?

Shego: Wait, you're a cripple?

Marc: Yeah. Dumbass rode into the back of a van on his motard and fucked his arm up. The op scars are hench though!

Gonzo: -nods- Yup. If you've been paying attention, you woulda noticed I've hardly moved my left arm from it's current position the whole evening. Severed some of the nerves in my neck that control movement and feeling, so I got big, numb bits and I can hardly move it.

Shego: Oh thank god for that! I thought you meant from the waist down! But whats a motard?

KP: I was about to ask that.

Marc: Short for Supermoto. Type of bike. Basically a crosser with road wheels.

Gonzo: Steal my thunder, bitch.

Marc: You love me really.

Gonzo: Yeah, whatever. Go dry-hump Kim. :P

KP: Eww! Don't you dare!

Marc: Would you rather I wet-humped you instead?

KP: I'd rather just do 'it' with you the regular way.

KP: OMG! I can't believe I just said that!

Marc: Booyah! The Jackal is in!

KP: If you say 'booyah' again, I'm gonna go off you real quick. I don't need 2 Rons in my life.

Marc: Sorry. My bad.

Gonzo: Shego, do you really call her princess and all that other crap?

Shego: wtf? Where did that come from? And yes, I do. She loves it so much!

KP: Do not! -pouts-

Gonzo: oh right. And I dunno where it came from. Just one o'them random thoughts.

Shego: Fair enough.

Shego: So you gonna get your shlong pierced tomorrow then, cripple boy?

Gonzo: oh hell yes! If it means I get to see you in person, I'd get the Jacob's Ladder as well!

Gonzo: …Why did I say that?

Shego: You do realize you gotta get that as well now…

Gonzo: oh lawd! Why did I open my fat face?

Shego: You're cute when you're despairing. :P

Gonzo: SHUT UP!

KP: Did I miss something? And Jacob's Ladder?

Shego: Gonzo absolutely detests being called cute. Just watch the reaction he gives. And www-hai2u-com has a few pictures. Some of it's in Japanese though.

KP: Are you sure this isn't something disgusting again?

Marc: Positive.

KP: I'll believe you.

She navigated to the link Shego had given her and was once again assaulted by retina-burning disgustingness! She actually felt slightly queasy at this one.

Gonzo: OMG! She fell for it again! Fukken roflpwnd!

Shego: -sniggers-

Marc: lol. Ownd.

KP: YOU BASTARDS! Marc, how could you?!

Shego: Naughty naughty with the swearing, Kimmie. :P

KP: Shut up. Bitch.

Shego: -laughs-

Marc: Sorry, I couldn't help meself! I live for the lulz and that was pretty lulworthy. I'll make it up to you, I promise.

KP: You'd better! -pouts-

Gonzo: Anyhoo, Jacob's Ladder. Different knob piercing. All you really need to know. Aside from the fact I'm not gonna be able to piss without cringing for a month. Among other things.

KP: TMI! Seriously TMI!

Shego: Aww. Ikkle Gonzo gonna be a bit sexually frustrated?

Gonzo: YFKT! And in agony when you turn up to look no doubt. I got visions of you doing all sorts of…things…to get me worked up just to see me suffer.

Marc: YFKT?

KP: What he said.

Shego: -grins- You know me too well already, lover boy. :P

Gonzo: YFKY: you fucking know that. And I ain't gonna be doing any sodding lovin' any time soon the way things are going!

Shego: Don't worry, I can wait.

Gonzo: It's not you I'm worried about! I turn into a right miserable bastard when I don't wank for a few days! Fuck knows what I'll be like after a month!

Marc: lulz. I think you dug yourself a bit of a hole there, mate.

Gonzo: Naw! You don't say?

KP: LANGUAGE! And TMI! Again with the TMI!

Gonzo: It's not like you don't do it, Kimmie. :P

KP: I'm gonna kill you!

Shego: Hey! Hands off my property! Go play with your own Englishman. I'm sure he won't complain.

Marc: Hell no!

Shego: See?

KP: What if I don't wanna play…that way?

Marc: Then I get very upset and turn to Gonzo for man-love.

Shego: You want me to toast your ass too? -lights a hand-

Marc: I was joking! Seriously! I don't bend that way!

Gonzo: Good!

Shego: Good!

Gonzo: Jinx! You owe me a beer. :P

Shego: You know it doesn't count online, right?

KP: So does!

Shego: Shut it, princess.

Gonzo: Bah! Bloody skinflint.

Shego: Keep talking mulletman and I'll toast your ass too!

Gonzo: No you wouldn't. You love me too much. :P

Shego: Ok, you got me there.

Gonzo: Damn straight. Anyhoo, much as I'd like to talk to you until my fingers wear down to nubs and my eyes turn red and congealed, I'm gonna hit the sack. I'll send you an email or summat when I get back from having holes put in my dick.

Marc: I'd better head off too, ladies. I got work in the morning.

KP: Okay. Been nice talking to you both. Especially you, Marc. -blows a kiss-

Gonzo: gags NO! Cooties! Keep them away!

Shego: -sniggers- Catch you later mullet boy.

Gonzo: Peace, biatch.

Marc: Later.

Marc: Has left the conversation.

Gonzo: Has left the conversation.

Shego: I spose I'd better thank you, Kimmie.

KP: What for?

Shego: For making me add that mulleted freak. :P

KP: lol. No big. How come he's a freak all of a sudden?

Shego: Look at him! Yeah, he's cute an' all, and he's got a goatee and cool piercings, but he's definitely a bit of a freak.

KP: ok, I can see your point now. But you're the one that's got a crush on him!

Shego: I swear if you make that public knowledge they'll be sending what's left of you home in a matchbox. Besides, you got a crush on that other one. :P

KP: Have not!

Shego: KP: He's cute! Can I take him home with me?

Shego: Need I say more?

Shego: Aww. Blushing AGAIN? I've lost track of how many times it's been tonight.

KP: SHUT UP!

Shego: Admit I'm right.

KP: No.

Shego: Admit it! It was so blatantly obvious you have the hots for that Marc guy! What's the buffoon gonna think when you tell him you're falling for a britfag?

KP: Britfag?

Shego: It's /b/tard for Englishman.

KP: What's a /b/tard?

Shego: -sighs- www-encyclopediadramatica-com I swear on mulletboy's life that's not a trick site. Go on there and type it into the search bar.

KP: Yeah, ok. If it's a trick site, I swear I'll… do something unpleasant.

Shego: What, like vomit on Marc's dick after giving him head? Lol.

KP: You're disgusting! And I'm blushing! AGAIN! What's wrong with me?!

Shego: ROFL! Anyway, Drakken's screaming at me. I think he's invented some new deathray and wants to gloat. Catch you later britlover. :P

KP: Bye Shego.

Shego: Has left the conversation.

Kim sat there for a while going over what had just happened. She'd just had a 4-way conversation with her arch-nemesis and 2 weird Englishmen. She navigated to the site Shego hat sent her and typed in /b/tard in the search bar.

After reading some of the information, she became slightly unnerved. If the information was correct, she could have been speaking to 3 very sick and wrong individuals, not to mention fancying one of them! Kim was going to ask them about it as soon as she saw them online again.

Shego had indeed been called over to hear Drakken gloat. She'd only been there about 30 seconds and she was already contemplating threatening him with physical violence, but she was feeling unusually generous at the moment, so let him ramble. She was too busy thinking about the new man in her life. Even though he was on the other side of the globe.

It didn't matter to her too much, though. It wasn't like she couldn't nab one of Drakken's hovercrafts or whatever and go globetrotting to kidnap him. She grinned at the thought.

Marc had indeed gone straight to bed, but sleep was eluding him. All he could think of was Kim and the fact she was into him. 'What have I done to land such awesome luck?' He thought to himself repeatedly, before eventually drifting off, a grin still on his face.

Gonzo, however, was sparko as soon as his head hit the pillow. No laying awake thinking over the conversation for him. A large mouthful of his favourite liqueur had seen to that. After all, he had an appointment with the piercing studio when he got up…

FOOTNOTE: Review, flame, whatever. Not fussed. Although if I get particularly wound up by a flame, I'll e-pwn yo' ass.

This is probly gonna be a short story that I might expand on with more stories, but I dunno yet.


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I realize I said this wasn't gonna be a KiGo, but in the name of lulz, I've had an idea for a KiGo bit in the story. Immortal7 helped with the inspiration and ideas in this one, so props to him. :D

And yes, I do blow my own trumpet a little too much in this chapter towards the end, but I don't care. It's my story and I can make myself out to be whatever I like. Although I've tried to keep myself relatively in character. :P

Chapter 2

Gonzo got up in the morning… at least he thought it was morning before looking at the clock on his mobile. "Oh for fuck's sake!" He complained to no-one. He'd actually meant to get up before 11 and get down the piercing studio early. Alas, this was no longer the case.

Pulling on some clothes, still grumbling to himself, he managed to kick the bike frame sitting by his door on his way out. "Ouch! Why did I leave that fucking thing there?!" "Har har! Serves you right!" Came the smart-alec reply from his younger brother. "Yeah, fuck off." He spat as he walked past. He headed for the shower.

Marc had already been at work since 9am and had been decidedly distracted. Even the token Mexican, who wasn't really a Mexican, couldn't keep his attention for more than a few minutes. "Ey man, wassup? You been deestracted all day, esse." He said.

"Yeah, sorry man. Got things on my mind." Marc replied.

"Ey, tha's cool, esse. Anytheen' I can help you weeth?" The fake Mexican asked.

Marc let out a short laugh. "Heh. You could get me a one-way ticket to America and a fake Visa if you like…" He replied.

"Sorry, man. No can do. My contacts mainly deal weeth guns an' sheet." The tanned man said apologetically.

"I was joking you dumb Burrito-loving shitwizard!" Marc answered with a laugh.

Shego, at this time, was still in bed. As was Kim. They both wore content smiles, though.

Gonzo, realizing the closest piercing studio that did the kind of piercings he was after was about 20 miles away, sighed in defeat and pulled on his riding gear before wheeling his bike out of the shed and starting it up, cursing loudly as he'd momentarily forgotten about the stand and it smacked him in the shin.

He set off and was walking through the door of the piercing studio about 10 minutes later. "Alright mate. What can we do for you?" The man behind the counter asked.

"Prince Albert and a Jacob's Ladder." Gonzo answered. The man behind the counter looked at him. "You're a glutton for punishment en't ya? You do realize that's gonna hurt like buggery." He stated.

"Seriously, I don't need this made any harder than it already is. The longer I stand here, the more chance I got of walking out…" Gonzo replied.

The man just shrugged. "Fair enough I spose. Stick yer stuff over there and follow me."

Walking through to a very clean room, he indicated for Gonzo to drop his keks and lay back on the table. He came over with a selection of piercing needles, rings and bars. "How many rungs you want?" He asked. "Let's go with 5" Gonzo answered before giving himself chance to think.

He lay there and stared at the ceiling as the other man got everything ready, with a quick warning of "Brace yourself." Before sticking the first needle through. "Jeeeeeesus!" He hissed through clenched teeth. Then the next one went through, then another and another until he had all 6 holes done. He was laying there white as the sheet he was laying on and was having to bite his tongue to keep from yelling. 'I'd better get some fucking good payback for this…' He thought to himself.

After having all the bars and ring put through, the man gave him some instructions on how to care for it and suggested going down the pub for a while to recover. "Believe me, that's exactly where I'm going when I get home!" Gonzo replied. He paid and left.

Gonzo came out of the shop and climbed back on his bike, wincing as the seat made it known exactly how tender the area now was.

He got home in record time, not wanting to stay on the seat any longer than necessary, and sent an email to Shego:

_Shego, been and had it done. I now walk like John Wayne after he's spent too long in the saddle. You really have no idea how fucking sore this shit is! You'd better come for a visit now cuz otherwise you'll be on my hitlist as well as the rest of the world's, and I won't settle for sticking you in a cell. :P_

_Later biatch._

He logged off and proceeded to limp down the pub, sending Marc a text once he was there.

Marc got the text just as he was about to leave work. "Oh my god! He's actually gone and done it! What a knob!" He exclaimed.

He replied, saying he was on his way and to have one waiting on the bar.

On getting there, he did indeed have one waiting for him at the bar and sat down next to his decidedly pale-looking chum. "Jesus, buddy! You look almost as green as Shego!" He said.

"Yeah, don't rub it in. Seriously, I literally just went for a piss and it was like somebody had just set light to it!" Gonzo informed him.

Marc laughed. "Teach you to open your mouth then, wunnit?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just shut up and drink." Gonzo replied sourly.

Later that afternoon, they were both online waiting for their female friends across the pond to sign on.

Kim was first online and started a conversation with Marc immediately.

KP: Hey Marc. I got a bone to pick with you.

Marc: Wossup Kim?

KP: I was on encyclopaedia dramatica last night and found out about /b/. Please tell me you're not some kind of sick paedophile animal lover or something!

Marc: Seriously, what do you take me for? I'm in it for the lulz. CP and animal porn are sick and wrong.

KP: What about Gonzo?

Marc: He's an entirely different kettle of fish.

KP: What, you mean he's into that stuff?! EW! WRONGSICK!

Marc: lulz. Man, you're gullible. :P

KP: NOT FUNNY! THIS IS SERIOUS!

Marc: The internet. It's serious business. :D

Marc: No, he's not into that shit. Ask him yourself. Although he's far more jaded than I am.

KP: What do you mean by that?

Marc: Basically you can show that man anything, no matter how wrongsick, and it won't shock him at all. Tubgirl, hai2u, lemonparty, even the pain series won't even make him shudder.

KP: Do I even want to know what the pain series is?

Marc: Only if you want to look at the contents of your stomach as you launch it at your monitor. :P

KP: Ew!

Marc: lulz.

Marc: oh, Gonzo's got his dick pierced now. I just been down the pub with him. Man, he looked almost as green as Shego!

KP: Poor guy. That must have hurt.

Marc: lol. I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He brought it on himself after all.

KP: That's not very nice! He's your friend!

Marc: I still think it's funny. Remember, I'm a /b/tard. I laugh at other's misfortune, especially self-inflicted. :D

KP: You're mean.

Marc: I'm quite nice really.

KP: No you're not.

Marc: ok, you got me there. :P

KP: You're meant to disagree!

Marc: …What?

KP: You're meant to disagree and prove to me that you're a nice guy!

Marc: ok, that's just confusing.

KP: Men!

Marc: I could say 'women' in the same context, but I'm not going to. I'm above that.

KP: Whatever.

Marc: lulz.

Kim decided to talk to Gonzo to find out if Marc was right.

KP: Hey Gonzo.

Gonzo: Sup.

KP: Are you into animal and child porn?

Gonzo: Where the fuck did that come from? And no. I'm not. Kiddie fiddlers should be shot on sight.

KP: I read about /b/ on encyc. dram. And was weirded out. I thought you might be some sort of sick paedophile.

Gonzo: Oh nice. :P

KP: How's your… thing?

Gonzo: My thing…

KP: You know, the thing you got pierced?

Gonzo: Fucking painful. Even through the numbing qualities of alcohol. I might start on the Drambuie yet…

KP: Language! And what's Drambuie?

Gonzo: Yes, I speak English. :P

Gonzo: Drambuie is a Scottish liqueur. Very sweet, very smooth and VERY strong. Goes well with Jack Daniels.

KP: I wouldn't know. I don't drink.

Gonzo: Oh yeah, I forgot. You're a good girl. :P

KP: You say that like it's a bad thing. :(

Gonzo: It's all well and good when you do the whole world-saving wossname, but seriously, you need to let your hair down and indulge in some 'forbidden pleasures' every now and again. It's not good for you to be so bloody nice all the time! You gotta go out and have a laugh, be stupid, indulge your wild side.

KP: But what about my reputation? It would be ruined if I 'let my hair down'!

Gonzo: For fuck's sake! You're only human! Nobody can expect you to be perfect all your life!

KP: Anything's possible for a Possible.

Gonzo: Yeah, that includes having fun, you know. Now, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but GET A LIFE!!!

Gonzo: Go out and socialize a bit more, go to a few parties, get some hobbies other than running round the world playing superwoman and cheerleading. If you ever come to visit, me an Marc'll take you out for some fun.

KP: I'm not sure I'll like what you class as 'fun'.

Gonzo: Yeah you will. Don't be such a square.

KP: I am not a square!

Gonzo: You so are!

KP: So not!

Gonzo: Ok, when Shego decides to come over for a visit, come with her and we'll show you what real fun's all about.

KP: I got school though.

Gonzo: SQUARE!!!!!!!

KP: AM NOT!

Gonzo: You know what you gotta do to prove it. :P

KP: You are so on, mullet boy!

Gonzo: -grins- I knew you wouldn't be able to resist.

Gonzo opened up a chat window to Marc.

Gonzo: Hey dude. You're gonna be seeing your redhead cheerleader sooner than you thought. I got her coming over with Shego so we can go out on the piss and show her what real fun's all about. :D

Marc: ledge!

Marc: When they coming?

Gonzo: Dunno yet. Gotta talk to Shego about it.

Marc: Talk of the devil, she's online.

Gonzo: Sweet.

He opened another chat window to the villainess.

Gonzo: Sup biatch.

Shego: Aight cripple boy.

Gonzo: You get my email?

Shego: Just reading it.

Gonzo: kk

Shego: Oooh! Threats from you too? I -am- popular!

Gonzo: You love it.

Shego: Only cuz I know you wouldn't follow through with it.

Gonzo: Drat! Foiled again!

Shego: lol. You love me really.

Gonzo: Once again, you have found my weakness. :P

Gonzo: So when you coming over?

Shego: Later today once I got a few things sorted out.

Gonzo: Fukken sweeeeeeet!

Gonzo: How you getting here?

Shego: I'm borrowing one of Blue Boy's hovercrafts.

Gonzo: Any chance of picking dear Kimmie up? I called her a square cuz she's got no life outside of school, cheerleading and saving the world, so she wants to come over to prove me wrong. :P

Shego: You mean you want me to put up with Little Miss Perfect as well as you and your weird friends?

Gonzo: Something like that. Anyway, I figure you owe me cuz my dick feels like somebody's smacked it repeatedly with a red-hot sledgehammer. And I only did it for you.

Shego: I don't owe you shit, bitch! I was gonna come over anyway.

Gonzo: You never mentioned that!

Shego: You never asked. :P

Gonzo: -grumbles- So now I'm not gonna be able to even wank for 6 months and I could have avoided it all just by asking?! What a fucking numpty!

Shego: -laughs- You're cute when you're angry.

Gonzo: And to top it all off, I get called cute?! What an awesome day I'm having…

Shego: lol. :P

Shego: I'm sure I can help you with your frustrations. After all, they didn't say no tongues… :)

Gonzo: … ouch. I can see I'm gonna have to be dosed up on painkillers to enjoy this.

Shego: -is confused-

Gonzo: The mental imagery you just sparked off gave me a semi and it stings like buggery!

Shego: LOL!!! Aww, poor Gonzo's dirty mind causing him pain?

Gonzo: DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS!

Shego: ROFL! You're funny.

Gonzo: I'm glad my pain and suffering amuses you. :P

Shego: You know it does.

Gonzo: -headbangs-

Shego: eh?

Gonzo: Sorry, listening to Skid Row – Lamb.

Shego: Prefer AC/DC myself. Angus has got to be the most awesome guitar player in the world!

Gonzo: 0.0

Gonzo: You like AC/DC?!

Shego: Got every single album on vinyl and CD, including the limited editions and singles.

Gonzo: -turns greener than you with envy- I fucking LOVE AC/DC!!! I'd sell my soul to the devil to have that collection!

Shego: I'm open to negotiations…

Gonzo: ror.

Shego: wtf?

Gonzo: ror. Raff Out Roud. Asian version of lol cuz they can't pronounce 'L's.

Shego: lol. You're mad.

Gonzo: So everyone keeps telling me. :P

Flicking back over to Marc's window, he told his friend the good news.

Gonzo: Shego's coming over later today. She's agreed to pick Kim up.

Marc: Fucking ace! Dude, I owe you so much for this shit!

Gonzo: Just buy the beers tonight and we'll call it even.

Marc: Deal, man. Got paid today, so it's all good.

Gonzo: Sweet.

He then flicked to Kim's window.

Gonzo: Shego's agreed to take you. Better start getting ready cuz she's leaving some time today. Better sort out the times with her.

KP: today?!! I gotta have a shower and do my homework!

Gonzo: SQUARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!11!1!!11ONEONE

Gonzo: Seriously, the homework can wait. I went a whole year at school without doing any homework at home. I either did it on the train there or in detention.

KP: OMG! I could NEVER do that!

Gonzo: Shut up and get your arse in gear. I'll find out what time Shego's leaving for you if you want.

KP: No, I can manage that.

Gonzo: kk.

Kim opened a window to her nemesis.

KP: So what time are you planning on leaving?

Shego: Bout an hour or so. I'll drop by your house on the way. Drakken's fitted some newfangled hyperdrive thingy-wotsit and an autopilot, so should only take about half an hour to get there.

KP: Cool. What do you think I should bring?

Shego: Condoms and lube. :P

KP: GROSS! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!

Shego: Hey, it's what I would have taken if mullet boy hadn't been stupid enough to turn his penis into swiss cheese. :P

KP: You're sick.

Shego: No, I'm horny. You have no idea how long it's been since I even had a date, let alone any action! I'd be worried it might heal over if it wasn't for some of Drakken's more phallic-shaped devices.

KP: TMI! TMI! I really don't want to know what you get up to with Drakken's inventions! And to think I could have touched one, too!

Shego: I can think of at least 3 you touched last time you were at the lair. :P

KP: EW! EWEWEWEWEW!!!! I'm never gonna stop washing my hands now!

Shego: FUCKING LOL!!!

Shego: I won't tell you that one of them was still wet when you grabbed it.

Shego: Oops. Too late.

KP: THAT IS JUST SICK AND WRONG! YOU ARE FOUL AND DISGUSTING AND I ACTUALLY FEEL SICK!!!

Shego: Omg! You have no idea how funny that is! I'm actually crying I'm laughing so hard!

KP: -pouts- Bitch.

Shego: Language, Kimmie.

KP: Oh shut up!

She flicked back over to Gonzo's window.

KP: Your girlfriend is disgusting!

Gonzo: I wouldn't go as far as calling her my g/f, but I can imagine she's far from pure. :P

KP: She was just telling me about what she does with Drakken's inventions when she gets… aroused.

Gonzo: ROR!!!

Gonzo: I can imagine they weren't exactly clean. :P

KP: No they weren't! It actually made me feel sick! And what's ror?

Gonzo: Gonzo: ror. Raff Out Roud. Asian version of lol cuz they can't pronounce 'L's

KP: Oh, ok. That's actually quite funny. ror. :D

Gonzo: heh.

The redhead flicked back to Marc's window.

KP: I'm gonna be in England in about an hour and a half. I gotta have a shower and pack some clothes, so I'll see you when I get there.

Marc: Nice. See you later then, Kim.

KP: See you later. -hugs- xx

KP: May not reply as he/she appears to be offline.

Marc waved goodbye at the screen sarcastically and opened a window to Shego.

Marc: Hey hey.

Shego: Man, they're crawling outta the woodwork today!

Marc: You're so nice to me.

Shego: What gave you the impression I was trying to be nice?

Marc: Sarcasm, dear.

Shego: I knew that.

Marc: You keep telling yourself that. :P

Shego: Hey, I only let mullet boy get away with talking like that, so watch yourself, babyface.

Marc: Hey, amp down on the hostility. I'm onlu kidding.

Marc: only, even.

Marc: I just wanted to say thanks for giving Kim a ride over. I appreciate it.

Shego: Oh. Right. No problem.

Marc: ror.

Shego: He got you with it as well?!

Marc: Yeah. I thought it was a classic!

Shego: I'll admit it's mildly amusing. I wouldn't go as far as 'classic'.

Marc: Come on! It's genius! For him anyway…

Shego: lol. I suppose you're right there.

Marc: Course I'm right. :P

Shego: There's only room for one ego in this conversation and that's mine. STFU. Anyway, I gotta go and pack.

She flicked back to Gonzo's window.

Shego: Sorry babe, I gotta go and pack. I'll see you in about an hour.

Gonzo: Fairymuff. Catch you later pretty lady.

Shego: Actually, where do you live? And will there be anywhere to land?

Gonzo: Now you ask. :P

Gonzo: I live at (insert imaginary address here) next to an ambulance station, so you can land on their roof. I doubt a hovercraft is gonna be heavy enough to collapse it. If it does, oh well. I get some of my garden back.

Shego: lol. Madman.

Gonzo: Thanks. :D

Gonzo: Anyway, see you in an hour.

Shego: Will do, mullet boy.

Shego: May not reply because he/she appears to be offline.

As Shego and Kim had disappeared, Gonzo flicked back to Marc's window.

Gonzo: Sorry to cut and run like the laydeez, but I gotta get busy tidying my room so I don't look like a complete slob. :P

Marc: No worries, dude. I should do the same really. Where they turning up?

Gonzo: My gaff, bout an hour's time.

Marc: Cool. Mind if I pop round before then?

Gonzo: Go for it, dude. Play it right, you might even be able to crash here too. I doubt Shego's gonna want to put up with my sister's pisshead friends so she'll probly scare 'em off.

Marc: Dude! That would be epic!

Gonzo: lawl.

Gonzo: Anyhoo, catch you later.

Marc: Later dude. See you in a while.

Gonzo: Will do.

Gonzo: May not reply because he/she appears to be offline.

He pulled himself out of the chair behind his desk and grabbed the old metal office bin he'd nicked from a skip and went round his room picking up any rubbish he could find and chucking it in the bin. A few minutes later, the bin was overflowing and he had to squash the contents down with his foot to get more in.

Within half an hour, his room looked almost presentable. A quick rearranging of a few bits and he was done. 'I need a bigger room.' He thought to himself. He had barely enough space to get the spare mattress on the floor with all the furniture in there as well.

It had been the master bedroom, but had been separated down the middle. His bed went across the back wall, but was 5 feet off the floor, having been built into the separating wall. The doorway was underneath, so you had to duck to enter the room. It was an odd setup, but it made better use of the limited space he had.

Taking the bin liner he had filled up, Gonzo walked downstairs and heard the familiar sound of Marc pulling up on his bike outside the front of the house. He walked out of the front door and deposited the rubbish in the main bin, telling Marc to 'sling the 'bike round the back' and he wandered back through the house to open the gate.

Marc rode in a few moments later and parked his bike in front of the shed. "Alright mate. How's it hangin'?" He asked, pulling his helmet off.

"All good here, man." Gonzo answered. "The laydeez should be here in about…" He pulled his mobile from his pocket and checked the time. "…Well, we got time for a cuppa before they turn up. Milk and one for you innit?"

"Spot on, mate. Could do with a brew." Marc answered.

"Fairymuff. Dump yer shit inside and stick the kettle on while I shut the gate." Gonzo instructed him while already on his way to the gate.

Marc wandered inside and set his helmet on the table and dropped his jacket in a corner for now before popping into the kitchen and turning the kettle on. Gonzo joined him shortly and began busying himself getting cups and teabags. "You're gonna have to settle for tart's bathwater, cuz I'm out of regular tea." Gonzo said as the kettle started to boil.

"Earl Grey eh? Fair dues I spose. Cuppa's a cuppa at the end of the day." Marc shrugged, not overly fussed.

Gonzo chuckled. "You're right there." He strolled out to the fridge and grabbed the milk, strolled back in and finished making the tea, handing Marc his cup on the way back to the fridge. "Cheers buddy." Marc thanked him.

"No worries dude. Might as well wait on the roof for 'em. Give 'em summat to aim for." The cripple suggested, walking back outside.

Tea in hands, they climbed up onto the ambulance station roof and stood looking around and drinking, trying to spot anything that might be classed as a low-flying UFO.

It wasn't long before Marc spotted something in the distance, approaching them fast. He nudged Gonzo and pointed. "You reckon that's them?"

"Bit early for red arrows, mate. Course it's gonna be them." Gonzo said with a smirk. He took another slurp of his tea, keeping his eyes on the hovercraft approaching them at a fair rate of knots. –WARNING: inside joke-- Marc also lapsed back into silence, eyes fixed on the black object before grinning, and in a perfect imitation of Microsoft Sam, said "Stop moving, black dot."

Gonzo, still drinking tea, suddenly spat a mouthful of it half back into the cup, half everywhere else and doubled over, killing himself laughing and choking on the hot liquid at the same time. "You fucking cunt! You did that on purpose!" He choked out after recovering slightly, still laughing. Marc had also started laughing hysterically and could only nod. –END inside joke—

A few moments later, they had both recovered enough to continue looking at the approaching hovercraft having finished their tea, although both were now wearing huge smirks.

Within a minute, it had slowed and was only a few blocks away, then over the next block, then right on top of them. It landed on the raised part of the roof next to the 2 young men and the large tinted domed 'roof' of the vehicle raised up with a whine of hydraulics, reminding them both of something out of Star Trek or something.

Before Gonzo knew what was happening, Shego had jumped out of the hovercraft and tackled him, knocking him onto his back and straddling him, sitting right on his tender member. "Hey Gonzo! Happy to see me?!" She exclaimed.

Gonzo had lost his voice and his face was twisted into a mask of agony. He was biting his bottom lip so hard he could taste blood. He couldn't think of anything else to do but point like a spastic.

It was Kim that came to his rescue, due to Marc being too busy rolling around on the roof laughing like a madman. "Shego, you're sitting on his… er… crotch, and judging by the look on his face, it's still more than a little sore." She said, giggling. She'd dressed in ¾ length blue jeans and one of her mission tops.

Shego's eyes went wide as it clicked and she quickly scrambled off him. "Oh shit! Gonzo, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize!" She said hurriedly, kneeling beside him, a look of concern on her face.

He suddenly let out a breath and his face finally relaxed slightly. "Fuck me sideways! Dear…GOD did that fucking hurt! Jesus H. Fucking Christ, I thought I was gonna pass out!" He was breathing heavily and had curled up into a semi-foetal position, his working arm cradling the bruised area.

Marc was still giggling uncontrollably in the background and Kim was actually almost as concerned as Shego was for the injured Brit. "I said I was sorry!" Shego snapped back.

"When in that little outburst did I direct anything towards you? I was merely voicing how much it hurt!" Gonzo replied, a little irritated that Shego had thought he was having a go at her.

"Well excuse me, Mr. Mulletman! Sorry I'm not good at reading minds!" Shego spat, standing up and folding her arms. She'd decided to ditch the catsuit, although she'd packed it, in favour of a tight black and green tie-dye t-shirt and boot fit black stonewash jeans.

Gonzo rolled his eyes and struggled to his feet. "Look, come 'ere." He told the green villainess, holding his arms open slightly offering a hug. She merely turned away from him. He dropped his arms in a defeated gesture and sighed. Kim watched the scene play out, a slightly amused smile on her face. It was like watching an old married couple bickering over something silly like whose turn it was to do the dishes.

Marc was watching it too, having finally stopped laughing at his injured friend and was now standing next to Kim. "This is better than watching TV." Marc said to her in a low voice. Kim giggled and nodded, turning to look at him. It was early Autumn and the sun was starting to set, so it lit up the edge of Marc's lithe silhouette with a golden glow. 'He looks gorgeous in the flesh!' The redhead decided. She moved closer to him and, noting he had his hands in his pockets, slipped an arm under his and pressed her body close, leaning against him slightly as she watched the other two. Marc adjusted his posture slightly and pulled a hand out of his pocket, putting it round the slim girl's waist.

Gonzo had hobbled over to Shego and tried putting an arm round her waist, only to be met with a cold glare, so he wisely decided to remove the appendage. "Look, I don't blame you for it. Any other time, I probably would have ended up with a woody and a huge grin. Don't take it personally." He told her.

"Whatever." Came the bitter reply.

Gonzo sighed again. "For fuck's sake, woman! What's wrong? What've I done?" He asked, exasperated. His temper, normally almost infinite, was rapidly evaporating. He hated being kept in the dark over something he'd done unwittingly. Shego didn't respond.

Kim cleared her throat. Gonzo turned to face the redhead, one eyebrow raised. She inclined her head in such a way insinuating he should come over to her, so once again, he hobbled across the roof towards the redhead. As he stopped in front of the pair, she leaned forward slightly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's not something you've done, it's something she's done. I've been kicking her ass long enough to know her moods quite well. She's pissed at herself, more than likely over sitting on you… like that." Kim said in a low voice.

Gonzo raised his eyebrows in a surprised manner. "Cheers for the info. Er… Any suggestions on what I should do?" He asked hopefully.

Kim giggled. "You're asking me for advice on relationships?! I'm hardly an expert! In case you hadn't noticed, I'm still single…" She replied, still in a low voice before Marc butted in. "S'cuse me, but if I have anythin' to do with it, you'll be far from single by the time you leave." He said confidently.

"And what makes you think that, Marc?" She asked innocently.

"This." Marc stated before putting his other hand under Kim's chin, turning her head to face him before going in for a kiss. Kim started blushing furiously.

Gonzo frowned, one eyebrow raised in annoyance as the pair proceeded to eat each other's faces and limped back over to Shego.

"Oi, bitch. Look at me." He ordered, standing directly in front of her, only an inch or so separating them. She turned her head to one side, her long hair obscuring her face almost completely. He reached out quickly and copied what Marc had done to Kim, only a bit quicker and with more force. He wasn't gonna have her moping over what he classed as a silly mistake, even if it did hurt like buggery. He looked her straight in the eye before speaking. "We'll have none o' this fuckin' moping over daft mistakes while you're here. That's my job." He stated, with a bit of a smile at the last part.

Shego's expression changed from cold indifference to one of sadness and she sighed. "I wanted this to be perfect, though. We'd all meet and greet each other with no problems and then go out and have a good time, then I went and ruined it by jumping on your cock!" She complained.

Gonzo laughed. "Shego." He said, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her close. "What?" She asked. "Shut the fuck up." He ordered before leaning in for a quick kiss.

As he leant back, Shego smiled before going in for one of her own, having no plans to make it quick. She put everything into that kiss. Every ounce of passion and desire she had bottled up. She'd waited too long for someone like Gonzo and she wasn't about to give him any reason to reject her. The mere thought made her shudder.

Gonzo, for the most part, was merely standing there enjoying it before his brain registered what was going on and told his mouth to respond.

After a few minutes of tonsil hockey from both couples, Gonzo heard a voice shouting in their direction. He paid it no mind until he heard things being thrown. He growled into the kiss and pulled away, much to Shego's displeasure. "Sorry, Shego. I gotta deal with this cunt."

He turned to where the voice was coming from and saw one of his neighbours from a few gardens down, arm raised holding a small pebble and an irate look on his face. He was old, probably in his 80's or 90's, short, and foreign. He didn't know what nationality, nor did he care. He'd once heard him ranting about being in the war, so assumed he was Polish or something. "If you even think of throwing that stone you miserable old bastard, I'll fucking launch a brick at you!" He screamed at the angry old man.

His neighbour seemed to consider this for a second and started ranting again instead. Gonzo couldn't quite make out the words through his thick accent and the fact he kept slipping back into his native tongue. He heard the words indecent, filthy, cheap and whores and that was enough for him. He pulled away from Shego and ran towards the edge of the roof and jumped.

He crashed straight through the old man's fence and managed, somehow, to pull off a half-decent forward roll before picking himself up and storming over to the now terrified pensioner, putting his hand round his throat. In a cold voice, eyes full of hate, he asked, "How about you say that to my face, cunt?"

The old man started to babble incoherently and put his hands up in surrender, scared witless at Gonzo's display of seeming insanity. "I didn't think you'd have the balls to repeat it, you miserable tosser. And just remember this next time you decide to try and bitch at me about something, alright?" He let the man go and stood there as he scurried back indoors.

Gonzo turned and looked up at where he'd leapt from, only now starting to feel the pain from crashing through a hefty wooden fence and landing on concrete. He hobbled through the gap in the fence, his dick reminding him it still wasn't in any fit state to be doing this kind of crazy shit.

Shego walked up to the edge of the roof and clapped. "Nice display, Gonzo! Now I know for sure you're completely barking!" She called over to him with a huge grin.

Marc just stood there laughing again. "Man, that was fucking hench as fuck! Epic lulz, dude!" Kim dug him in the ribs with her elbow. She'd stood there gawping in shock, not being able to believe what she was seeing! Somebody she'd known in person for about 10 minutes had just leapt off a roof, across the entire width of a garden and crashed through the fence of the next one, then proceeded to threaten a senior citizen!

"How could you do that?! He's an old man! What did he do to deserve that?!" She demanded.

By this time, a few other neighbours had come out to see what all the fuss was about and had managed to work out some of it, judging from the hole in the fence, the people on the roof and where Gonzo now stood.

Gonzo replied to Kim's question, grinning from the compliments of the other two. "I take it you weren't listening to what he was saying then, Kim. The gist of it was that you and Shego were cheap whores and what we were doing was indecent and filthy. That and he was throwing stones at us. Now I dunno about you, but I don't stand for that kinda shit from anyone, regardless of how old and decrepit they are. That and he's a grumpy old tosser anyway. Moans at me for something every other day it seems." He explained.

Kim was having none of it. "You still shouldn't have done that, regardless of what he was saying!"

Gonzo shrugged. "Bit late now, innit. I still say he deserved it. Just be thankful we're not in America and I didn't have a gun." He told her, hopping the wall back into his own garden, wincing horribly as his dick once again made It's tenderness known. "Jesus Christ!" He hissed, hanging onto the wall for support.

Shego jumped down beside him. "Are you ok?" She asked, concerned. Her trademark hard-arse appearance had gone for now.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna have to sit down for a while before we go DOWN THE PUB later." Gonzo replied, almost shouting 'down the pub' for reasons currently unbeknown to Shego.

"I am NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL, Gonzo!" Kim yelled from the roof. Gonzo grinned. "You will if we have anything to do with it!" He shouted back.

Standing up, he put an arm round Shego's waist and gave her another quick kiss. "The pain's worth it for you." He said in a whisper. Shego smiled and hugged him.

"Oi, Marc, chuck the bags down will ya? I'll take 'em inside." Gonzo suggested.

"Good idea, mate." Marc replied. He climbed up to the hovercraft and looked inside, spotting the bags and grabbed one, obviously Kim's, and lifted it out. "Jesus! Did you pack your whole wardrobe or somethin'?" He asked the cheerleader. She blushed in response. "'Ere, Gonzo! Catch!" Marc launched the bag down to his friend, who caught it one-handed against his upper arm.

"Fuck me! I don't think my bike weighs as much as this!" He commented, transferring it to his limp arm, then to the floor. Shego's bag followed it shortly and he caught it in the same manner, raising an eyebrow at Shego when he heard a metallic 'clunk' and some solid somethings, cylindrical in shape at a guess, rested against his arm. Shego merely grinned, causing Gonzo to roll his eyes and mutter the word "Dirty" at her under his breath, making the thief giggle.

He transferred the lighter bag to his injured limb and picked up the heavy one with his working one and walked inside. Shego followed him after pointing a remote at the hovercraft, which closed itself, then vanished from sight.

Kim and Marc were soon inside as well, and Gonzo directed them to the front room while he took the bags upstairs and got the other bed set up on his floor. "God I wish we had a fucking guestroom!" He moaned to no-one.

He came back down a few minutes later and flopped down in the armchair, that being the only available space left, wincing yet again. "I'm gonna have to learn to stop doing shit like that." He grumbled. Shego smirked. "Aww, you're so c-" "DON'T say it!" Gonzo cut her off, realizing what she was about to say. He fixed her with a look that told her he wasn't joking and, miraculously, she shut up. She did, however, fold her arms and pull off quite a good imitation of Kim's PDP. Gonzo could feel the effect, but wasn't about to give in. He turned on the TV and channel-hopped for a bit until Shego got bored of trying to use that trick.

"Is it essential to change channel every few seconds?" Kim asked, slightly annoyed.

"It's a bloke thing." Marc replied. Gonzo nodded, finally stopping on Planet Rock. There was nothing to watch as it was actually a radio station, but the music was good.

"Well this is a good show." Kim piped up once again. Marc chuckled and put his arm round her shoulder. "Do you ever stop your mouth working?" He asked sarcastically. Kim blushed yet again and the rest of them laughed.

FOOTNOTE: There's chapter 2. Yes, I know there's a bit of drama in it, but oh well. The old man in the story is indeed a miserable git and moans at me over stupid things. I've often thought of doing something like that to get him to leave me alone. Erm… Other than that, try and enjoy. :D


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Again, sorry with the lack of updating for... err... forever. Check my profile for reasoning. As 2 people have been bitching at me about the lack of KiGo, I'll lay this out so nobody's got any problems understanding it.

There will be KiGo in this in the LATER chapters. And possibly only one or two incidences of it. I'm not writing this to be specifically a KiGo story, just that it happens to end up with some KiGo in it. They DO NOT end up romancing away and falling in love with each other.

Chapter 3

"So, where are we going tonight?" Shego asked curiously. The evening had started to set in and she was beginning to get a little bored with the 'lovesick puppy' antics of Kim and Marc. He had repeatedly tried sliding his hands under Kim's top, only to have them batted away, Kim wearing a silly grin and giggling like a 12yo schoolgirl.

Gonzo had been gentlemanly enough while making smalltalk, only ogling her while she wasn't looking, although she could see his lecherous looks out of the corner of her eye. "I was thinking The Terminus. Had a £3 mil refurb not long ago, so it's pretty fancy inside now." He suggested. "That and he's always got a good selection of ales on." He added as an afterthought.

"Good! It means you can get out of my house so my friends can come round for a gathering!" A voice suddenly yelled out of nowhere before a rather rotund girl with bright orange dyed hair and a fierce scowl came stomping into the room. Gonzo's sister. "Who the fuck are you two and how much did they have to pay you to go out with them?" She demanded of Kim and Shego.

Shego bristled and Kim looked a little surprised. Gonzo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and Marc merely chuckled. The two males were used to the unpleasant demeanour of the younger sibling, but one found it irritating, the other humorous. "Is everyone you know this offensive?!" Shego shot at 'her man', throwing a hand in the general direction of his sister.

"No, just my fuckin' relatives and neighbours..." He replied before turning to his sister, who was about to open her mouth to launch forth with a tirade of unpleasantness once again. "For your information, you WILL NOT be having another bloody 'gathering', and these two ladies are ours. I know the concepts of us actually having anyone show an interest in us, and ladies in general, are foreign to you, as you obviously don't know what the word 'lady' means if how you act and dress is anything to fuckin' go by, but please try to focus what little brainpower you have to process the fact that they're here by choice, they actually fuckin' like us, and we'll be coming back here after the pub to an EMPTY FUCKING HOUSE!" He finished, yelling the last three words to try and hammer home the fact he wasn't about to put up with a house full of drunken, semi-conscious pondlife.

During the little speech, his sister's scowl had gradually turned into an all-out death glare and her hands were now on her hips. "Oh, like you'll be able to do anything to stop me, you pathetic cripple!" She spat at him with such venom Kim and Marc winced and Shego rose to her feet.

"He might not be able to, but I certainly am!" The villainess exclaimed, causing the younger girl to spin round to face her.

"Yeah, as if! You're probably weaker than he is!" the foul-mouthed female stated, a look of disgust on her face, looking down her nose at Shego.

As if on cue, Shego raised her hands and lit them to the elbow, a sadistic grin on her flawless features. "Keep looking down your nose at me like that and I'll melt it off, bitch!" Her voice was low and sinister, the fading light of the room making the green flames that much more frightening. The young girl looked petrified, her face contorted into a look of pure terror as Shego moved in for the kill.

Gonzo, sensing the timing was right to cause some damage, silently got to his feet and moved in behind his sister, arms extended in front of him, hands out flat. In a swift movement, he dug his sister hard in the ribs while letting out a battle-cry Attila the Hun would have been proud of. She nearly shit herself in fright, letting out a scream that caused everyone in the room to cringe before running from the room at a speed that belied her weight. He settled himself back in his chair with a monstrous grin on his face as the other three descended into fits of laughter.

As they calmed down and Shego switched her flames off, she carefully draped herself across the armchair and Gonzo's lap, putting her left arm round his shoulder and linking it with her right on the other side. "Mmmm, do you know just how wet something that evil gets me?" The mint-coloured woman asked him seductively.

His grin turned evil, looking to split his face. "I dunno. Maybe I should find out..." He suggested, somewhat clumsily running his poorly-articulated left arm up the inside of her thigh. And then Kim cleared her throat in an overly dramatic fashion...

They turned to look at the pair in the corner, noting that Kim's face had turned rather red, made to look even darker in the dimming light, and Marc was sitting there with an expectant grin on his face. "Um, would you mind -not- finding out in front of me, please and thank you?" She asked, a little forcefully. Marc's face suddenly fell.

"Aw, man! I was looking forward to watching that! Ow!" Marc had just been elbowed in the ribs by an angry-looking redhead for voicing his opinion...

Shego looked a bit put out by that, and Gonzo rolled his eyes. "I spose I can hold off for now. I spose we should start heading to the pub. After all, Kim's not gonna get drunk sitting in my living room..." He said with a sly grin.

Now it was Kim's turn to look put out. "I. Am. NOT! Getting. Drunk!" She yelled at the mulleted weirdo. She had agreed to come over to have some fun, NOT break the law. "You keep forgetting I'm only 17,**not** 21!" She stated heatedly.

"Er, Kim? Drinking age over here's 18. We're not in Kansas any more, darling." Marc informed her, being subtly sarcastic but being sure to tense up in case he got another elbow to the ribs.

"I'm still underage though!" Kim shot back at him.

Gonzo, having gotten bored already with the couple's exchange, butted in. "Yeah, whatever. You can drink fuckin' 'soda' all night and watch us get pissed as farts, but let's just get fuckin' movin'! Beer don't drink itself."

Shego went to get off him, but Gonzo held her still. "And did I give you permission to move yet?" He asked with a grin. Shego just looked at him as if he had suddenly turned blue. "Do I **need** your permission to move, jackass?" She asked, standing up to spite him.

The bearded man laughed. "Just winding you up, dear." He answered in a rather effeminate tone before standing up himself and leaning forward to kiss her cheek, grabbing her arse in the process.

"And did **I** give you permission to do **that**?" She asked, smirking.

"Definitely not, but with an arse like that, asking permission is the last thing on my mind..."

Shego couldn't help but laugh. The weird Brit's odd mannerisms and blatant sexual innuendo was obviously something she was going to have to get used to, but she was far from disliking them. Well, most of them. Even for her, the amount of bad language he used was something to behold... Still, the English accent made up for that minor shortfall. That and the fact he willingly caused himself 6 months of discomfort just for her... Well, things like swearing could be overlooked.

"Right, gissa tick. Just gonna go and get me jacket. It's not exactly warm outside, especially compared to Yankeeland, so you two might wanna get yours as well." Gonzo suggested, heading out of the door. He stopped when he caught the look on Shego's face. 'That's the second time she's looked at me like I'm thick...' "What?" He asked.

"Come on, you really think I feel the cold? Doy! Plasma-enhanced superpowers? Elevated body temperature? General superhumanness? Get the picture?" Shego asked, a little irritated that she had to spell out the fact she was tougher than he thought. Kim giggled at the sheepish, dumbfounded expression on the bearded biker's face.

"Way to go, dude! Not even 2 hours together and you've already worked out how to piss her off!" Marc said enthusiastically, grinning. Both he and Kim had since gotten up and were standing in the middle of the room, an arm round each other.

Shego shot him a withering look. "Aah! Please don't kill me!" He exclaimed, shrinking back a bit.

"I suppose I'd better get mine, just in case." Kim thought out loud. She was pretty sure if Shego could hack the weather she could too, but decided to err on the side of caution. "Um... where's my bag?" The redhead inquired.

Gonzo made a 'Duh!' expression and slapped his forehead. "Sorry. I'd forgotten I hadn't given you the grand tour and shown you where you'll be crashing. Follow me."

He ambled out the door, checking to see that everyone was following. First Shego, followed by Kim, then Marc. "Obviously you know that's the dining room, but off that's the kitchen, then the bathroom." He said as they passed the door into the aforementioned room and climbed the stairs. "At the top of the stairs, we got my mum's room, then the toilet," He opened the door to the small WC as if to prove a point before continuing, "Then there's my sister's room, and if we listen, I do believe we can hear her angry music at having been beaten, and then her swearing profusely at us! And onwards, through this door is my brother's room, and then mine."

He finished the small narrative as he entered the final door. "Er, mind your head. Low door as you come through into my pit." He warned them as the group traipsed through after him. He pulled the heavy curtain that was his makeshift door back and ducked as he stepped through, sitting himself in the office chair that was situated behind the desk under his bed.

"Wow! Talk about low bridge." Shego commented as she followed him through. "AAAH!" She'd had her arm grabbed by the man in the chair and had been pulled into his lap to make room for Kim and Marc, who followed her in shortly after. "Mmm, cosy in here." The villainess smirked, causing Gonzo to snigger. He wrapped his arms round her waist and she laid hers on top.

"I do the best with what I got." He replied. "Kim, your bag's at the foot of that mattress." He indicated to the makeshift bed on the floor of his room. "That's where you'll be sleeping tonight. Sorry I couldn't do much better." He said apologetically.

Kim shot him an incredulous look as she and Marc stood ducked under the bed. "What do you mean I'll be sleeping there? I thought that was Shego's bed!"

Gonzo laughed. "You really think after I've got her to trek halfway round the globe to see me, I'm gonna make her sleep in a separate bed? Oh no! This green goddess is sharing with me!" He stated as if it were law, giving her a squeeze. Shego merely grinned. The notion that, after all the time being single, someone (even if he was a complete and utter weirdo) thought so highly of her that he wasn't planning to let her out of arm's reach was strangely comforting.

Kim shot him a dirty look before kneeling on the bed and crawling over to her bag, giving the others a nice view of her arse. Marc, knowing he could get away with it until she turned round, stared unashamedly. Gonzo had to be rather sly about how he did things, leaning back slightly and checking Shego had her gaze elsewhere before looking.

He suddenly made out he was gazing out of the window as his arms began to rise drastically in temperature. 'Note to self: Do not look at other women again. Ever.' Gonzo thought to himself as Shego slowly lowered the heat on him, keeping it lingering long enough to make a point.

"So why is it I've got to sleep in the same room as you two?" Kim asked, still rummaging through her bag for a suitably warm jacket.

"Don't you mean three? You're gonna be sharing with Marc, unless you want to make him sleep on the sofa. Anyway, the reason is that me and Marc are gonna be far too drunk to ride, and unless you wanna fork out 20 quid for a taxi, this is about the best option. And don't worry about being kept awake. It's not like I'm able to do anything particularly naughty with her for a loooong while..." Gonzo reassured her, causing Shego to scowl.

She was just about to voice her displeasure at the idea when Marc put his finger to his lips and mouthed 'He's joking.' at her, while using his hand to make certain backwards and forwards motions with 2 fingers out straight, grinning. Gonzo nodded enthusiastically and gave him the \m/ hand gesture. The green villainess started giggling uncontrollably at the two.

"Ok, got one. Err, what's she laughing at?" Kim asked as she stood back up and saw Shego.

Both the Brits had the sense of mind to look completely confused and shrug. "I dunno." Marc answered. "Shall we be off then?" He asked before Kim's natural curiosity got the better of her and she started badgering them all for an answer.

They eventually got themselves together and were on their way to the pub, talking amicably about trivial matters and taking the piss out of Kim being a good girl before the redhead suddenly remembered their trip over. Oh this was too good an opportunity to pass up!

FLASHBACK:

Kim was standing outside her house, bag packed and waiting for Shego to turn up. A few minutes later, the thief arrived and the glass roof of the hovercraft opened. She beckoned Kim to get in, and they were off.

"Okay Princess, listen up. I didn't get a lot of sleep, so after I've set the autopilot, I'm gonna catch some zees. If you wake me up for any other reason than we're almost there, I'll make sure that Marc guy takes one look at you and runs a mile." Shego informed her, and with that, she set the controls, reclined the chair and closed her eyes.

'That's just peachy!' Kim thought. "And what am I supposed to do for entertainment?!" She huffed, folding her arms.

"I dunno. That's your problem. Play with yourself for all I care, just as long as you're quiet." Shego replied, not even bothering to open her eyes. Kim snorted indignantly and scowled.

About 15 minutes into the journey, Kim noticed Shego stirring, before starting to mumble incoherently in her sleep. She paid it no mind until the mumbling turned into sounds of obvious pleasure, causing the young redhead to blush. They calmed down after a minute or so, Kim's red face following shortly after.

Then, out of nowhere, the sleeping sidekick gasped, before coming out with two words that shocked Kim into a petrified silence: "Oooooh, Drewbie...!" Shego moaned in an overly-sensual tone, turning to one side.

'Oh! My! GOD! Shego's dreaming about doing it with _Drakken!_ That is WRONGSICK!!!' She screamed in her mind. 'Should I wake her up? No, she'd kill me. She said not to wake her up until we were nearly there, and I really don't want to get into a fight in such a small space.'

With that decided, Kim ignored the sleeping woman and would pretend it had never happened. Lucky she did, because all of a sudden Shego sat bolt upright in the seat, eyes wide in horror and her hands gripping the arms of the seat until her sharp nails pierced the upholstery. "Jesus! PLEASE tell me I didn't just dream that! That was just SO wrong!" The villainess babbled.

Kim decided to play innocent. "What was? What are you talking about, Shego?" She asked inquisitively.

The look she got in return instantly told her that was NOT the best thing to ask. "Seriously, Kimmie, you DO NOT want to know!" The long-haired woman shuddered visibly as she inadvertently had a flashback of the dream.

END FLASHBACK

"Hey Shego, Why were you moaning 'Oooooh, Drewbie!' in your sleep on the way over?" Kim probed, a malicious grin on her face. "I thought you had a crush on Gonzo!"

Gonzo snorted before howling with laughter, Shego turned bright green from blushing, causing Gonzo to wince in pain and let go of her hand. He had to hang onto a lamp post so he didn't fall over and Shego shot a sizeable plasma ball at the redhead at the same instance Marc brought a cigarette to his lips.

Kim ducked it and it shot past Marc, inadvertently catching the end of the cigarette and leaving a small, green flame flickering on the end. The ball carried on across the road, impacting with a phonebox and exploding in a shower of glass and twisted metal. The group recoiled slightly to avoid getting hit with the shrapnel.

The slim teen took the fag out of his mouth and stared at it, before blowing the flame out and taking a drag. "Cheers, Shego." He said as he exhaled. He acted as if this sort of thing happened every day.

Kim, on seeing Marc smoking, gawked in shock. "Oh my god! You SMOKE?! You are SO giving that up if you wanna go out with me! Men who smell like ashtrays is a MAJOR turn-off!" She practically yelled.

Marc's face dropped. "Dammit!" He bitched, taking a long drag before holding the smoking stick out in front of him. "Goodbye, sweet prince. I'll miss you." There was a hint of sadness in his voice, but the promise of 'red-headed cheerleader epicness' was something he wasn't about to let slip through his fingers. "Ok, Kim. After this one, no more. Ever." He stated.

The redhead eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure? I mean, you could just be saying that and start up again the second we go back home. How do I know you're not lying?" She asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Because I'll rearrange his manhood with a fuckin' sledgehammer if he doesn't stick to his word." Gonzo interjected, an evil grin on his face that dared his friend to try it. Shego grinned. She definitely liked this side of Gonzo best.

"Y-yeah, because of that..." Marc said, a little worried.

Kim seemed to brighten. "Bangin'!" She squealed, clapping her hands and the group continued their trek to the pub.

As they walked through the doors, Shego gave a low whistle and Kim's mouth hung open. The place was something else, the two girls decided. The walls were painted crimson with dark wood panelling in the typical old English style. Ornate lights hung from the ceiling and walls and small round tables stood on intricate wrought iron legs, heavy wooden chairs set around them. The bar was highly polished oak with a strip light set into it that randomly changed colours, as did small, circular lights set into the floor behind the chrome footrest that ran the length of the bar. The back of the pub was an in-house restaurant and as you followed the bar round, there was a set of doors that led through to a small annex, slightly better lit than the rest of the pub, and gave whoever chose to sit there some privacy.

They wandered up to the bar and Marc asked what everyone was drinking. "Do you need to ask?" Answered Gonzo automatically. "Erm... Gonzo, pick something nice for me." Shego decided. "I'll just have a coke." Kim stated forcefully.

Gonzo, however, had other ideas. He nudged Marc, nodded to the spirits rack before putting his left hand on the bar and tapping it twice with 2 fingers, a sly grin on his face. Marc smirked something chronic. "Er, how about you two ladies invade the annex and we'll bring the drinks round?" He suggested.

"Yeah, ok. Come on, Kimmie!" Shego dragged the redhead out to the annex. She hadn't got exactly what Gonzo's motions meant, but she had a fair idea, and she desperately wanted to see Kim get pissed. It'd give her so much to taunt her with later, after revealing something of her dream, that she couldn't pass it up!

The motions that Gonzo had made went as such: The nod to the spirits rack was obvious, the left hand on the bar meant 'going from the left', the first tap of 2 fingers meant 'second one in', the second meant 'double'.

The barman sidled up to the pair still grinning at the bar. "Alright boys. Usual tonight, is it? And what will the ladies be drinking?" He asked. He always looked forward to the two young males coming in. It meant it'd be a very profitable night.

"Yup. The redhead'll have a double JD and coke and Shego?" Marc asked. "Old as well, mate. See if she can keep up." Gonzo answered with a sly grin.

The barman nodded and began pouring the drinks. Bonfire Boy for Marc, Old for Gonzo and Shego, and the mixer for Kim. "Cheers, buddy. Start the tab." Marc said, more out of habit than any real need to tell the barman what he already knew as he passed over his card.

They took the drinks through and set them down on the table that the two females had occupied, pulling up 2 more of the pub-sized easy chairs the annex held. "What's that?" Shego asked as she picked up the drink Gonzo had set in front of her. "It looks like flat coke."

Gonzo, who had already sunk ¼ of his pint, set his glass back on the table, licking his lips. "Mmmm. That hit the spot. It's Harveys Old. A strong, heavy ale. Bit of a meal in a glass, but goes down easier. Try it an' see." He offered.

Shego took a sip. "Wow! That is strong!" And another. "I think I could grow to like this." She stated, taking a long draught.

Gonzo chuckled. "Well anything's strong compared to the pisswater they brew over in Yankeeland, so watch yourself. We're planning a heavy night and we're already gonna be carrying one home." He warned her, glancing quickly in Kim's direction. Shego smirked, catching the hidden message.

"Hey, this tastes different to American coke! It's got a weird, burn-y after-taste." Kim declared. "Marc, would you taste it for me and make sure it's alright?"

"Give it to Gonzo to try. He's the drinks connoisseur here." Marc replied. He was struggling hard to keep a straight face and he knew he'd give the game away if he tried it, so left it up to the man that could lie so convincingly, he could fool the Devil himself.

"Giss it 'ere then ya whingin' pom." The bearded weirdo told her, holding out a hand for the drink. He noticed the huge grin that Marc was hiding behind his beer glass and Shego's snigger-turned-cough at the sitch. He knew he had to pull it off so as not to give the game away.

After tasting it, he handed it back, a slightly bewildered look on his face. "Tastes fine to me. Must just be the way we make it over here." He answered with a shrug, pulling off the act to a tee.

Marc proceeded to snort into his beer glass and Shego couldn't contain herself any more and burst into a fit of hysterical giggling. "Was it something I said?" Asked Gonzo, looking even more confused, the redhead joining him with her look of utter incomprehension. His act just made Shego laugh harder and Marc snigger uncontrollably. "Must be me." Gonzo decided, going back to his beer, Kim following suit and sipping her coke, shooting suspicious glances at the other two.

A few drinks later, Shego found herself at the bar with, what she had now decided was, her boyfriend. Of course, he didn't know that, but then again, he didn't need to. She'd make it clear soon enough...

...Or she'd have some arsehole drunk do it for her...

"Dude, your girlfriend looks a bit green. Is she ill or sumfin'?" The inebriated patron asked him.

Gonzo merely put his hand over his face in despair before an irate Shego spun on the spot and headbutted him, knocking him out cold. "I'm a plasma-enhanced international supervillain! I am NOT ill!" She ranted at the unconscious man who was now laying on the floor.

Gonzo put a hand on her arm, turning her to face him. "Calm down, woman! Most folk round here have never heard of you. Remember, this is only a small town full of old people and chavs. So actually, thinking about it, most of the younger generation probably know you, but that's neither here nor there... Point being, it's not really the done thing to go laying pub customers out sparko on the floor." He said in a soothing voice, trying to get her to calm down and succeeding to an extent. "Look, grab the drinks and I'll sort this out." He offered.

"Yeah, whatever." She spat, picking up the tray of drinks and heading out to the annex.

A short while later, Gonzo rejoined the group to sounds of howling laughter. Shego had just relived what had happened at the bar and Marc and Kim, who was well on her way to being pissed, were laughing like drains. "I see you've been having fun without me then." He said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, baby! These two make you look like an old fart!" Shego replied sarcastically, still grinning.

"Aww, thanks babe. You know -just- what to say to make me feel special." He shot back, causing Shego to laugh. 'I **really** need to master the art of making her laugh! That laugh is such a turn-on!' He thought to himself before taking up residence in his chair and sucking back a good deal of the pint they'd just got.

Kim suddenly spoke up. "Hey! I just noticed! There's like... 20 glasses on the table! And we've only been here for 45 minutes! And I feel funny..." She added as an afterthought, causing the rest of the group to chuckle.

"Yeah, that's cuz we've been spiking your coke with Jack Daniels all night. I'm surprised you haven't thrown up yet." Gonzo told her in a matter-of-fact tone.

He spoke too soon. Kim proceeded to suddenly turn very pale and bolted for the ladies. "Oooh, nasty. I'd tell you to go check on her, but I think the other laydeez wouldn't appreciate a bloke in their shitters." He said. "Shego? Would you mind doing the honours?"

"What the fuck? Why me? I'm not the one attracted to the dumb lightweight!" She responded testily. Gonzo shrugged, dropping the issue.

"Aw come on, Shego! You know she'd help you out if you were in her position." Marc plead. Shego merely gave him the finger. "Oh that's nice innit!"

"Oh shut up, babyface! If you're so worried, go check on her yourself." Shego retorted. "Oh look. Don't need to now. Little Miss Lightweight's back." She nodded to the other door of the annex that led out to the toilets. Sure enough, Kim was on her way back, albeit a little unsteady on her feet.

Sitting down in her chair again, she proceeded to give the two Englishmen the deathglare of the century. Marc visibly began to cower, and Gonzo just ignored it, drinking more beer.

As the deathglare continued, Marc eventually caved. "Seriously! Stop it, please! Gonzo instigated it, I merely played along! Blame him!" He whined.

Gonzo rolled his eyes, halfway through another swig of beer. Shego had been silently enjoying the display with her arms folded, still with half a pint left. "That's nice, innit? Blame it all on me, just like everyone else does..." Gonzo commented, sarcasm dripping from the words.

"Well it was you, though!" Marc shot back.

"No need to tell 'er though, was there? Fuck's sake, man!" Gonzo gave something similar to an animalistic growl of frustration before downing the rest of his pint. "Anyway, your turn up at the bar. Fuck off."

"Yeah, whatever." Marc drawled, getting up and taking the tray with him.

Kim, now knowing who was responsible, turned the death glare fully on the bearded Brit, intent on making him feel as guilty as possible, not realising in her alcohol-addled state, it really wasn't working. "Don't pull that face for too long. Wind might change and you're stuck like it." He teased, causing her to blush, but the glare never shifted.

"Why did you do it? And how come I'm the only one drunk?" She demanded.

Shego suddenly piped up. "Yeah, why is it me and Kimmie are the only ones that seem to be getting drunk? You and babyface still look completely sober! That's just not fair!" She moaned.

Gonzo grinned. "Wait for Marc to come back and show you the vid on his phone. You'll soon see why we're still sober. And Shego, if you and your supposedly accelerated metabolic rate can keep up with me and 'babyface', I'm yours forever. Cuz that would just be epic fuckin' win!" He stated.

"Let's see this video first, loverboy. And you were mine forever anyway. Remember, I'm the jealous type and I don't share." She replied with a wicked grin.

Kim rolled her eyes, deciding the deathglare was getting her nowhere. This man seemed unshakeable! She'd use her best weapon...

Gonzo suddenly felt odd. Whose eyes were on him now? He turned... Oh dear. "Turn that shit off, woman!" He yelled at Kim, who had turned the PDP on him. Suddenly being confronted with... that... was actually a little unnerving. "Why are you trying this on me?" He demanded as Marc came back with the drinks.

"I wanna know why you spiked my drinks." She said sweetly.

"Oh, is that all? I was gonna tell you that anyway. Reason one: Because we thought seeing you pissed would be funny. Reason two: It was the one way we could ensure you actually relaxed a bit and let your hair down. And aside from throwing up, you can't deny you've been having a good time, can you? And reason three: Because you're underage and it means you're now officially a lawbreaker. Congratulations!" He cheered, grinning.

"You bastard!" Kim yelled, jumping forward and slapping him, hard. The hairy man's head snapped to one side with the force of the blow and a small grunt escaped him.

"Woah, woah! Watch the beer, little lady!" Marc exclaimed, backing up a bit with the tray. Once Kim had returned to her seat, glaring daggers in Gonzo's direction, he set the tray down on the table. "I thought you'd appreciate something a little lighter, so I got you a-"

-------------------------

Gonzo hadn't seen that coming. Much. The slap stung, but it was worth it for her reaction. He turned his head back, still grinning at the redhead, whose piercing glare turned positively demonic on seeing his face. "Dude, don't give it to her!" He suddenly blurted when he saw Marc going to give Kim her next drink.

"Eh? Why not?" The clean-shaven biker asked.

"Because I got a suspicion she'll launch it over me." Gonzo replied easily, as if not really too bothered by the idea. "Anyway, the ladies want to see that video the barman made of us after a heavy session." He added.

"Ah, the video that nearly got us hauled off to rehab you mean?" Marc asked. Gonzo nodded. "Fair play." He set the pint of lager he'd bought Kim down on the table, but held it there as he saw Kim reach for it. "Now, you're not gonna waste this by chucking it over Gonzo, are you?" Kim shook her head sheepishly at the stern look Marc gave her. "Good."

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out his phone, concentrating on the screen and pushing buttons until he found the video. Both Gonzo and Shego had their eyes fixed on Kim, checking she really was gonna pick it up to drink it and not soak the pedantic mullet man.

"Here we go!" Marc stated, turning the screen towards the two girls, who leaned in closer after Marc had sat down.

The video showed the two males sitting either side of one of the tables out by the bar, which was absolutely heaving with empty glasses. A voice could be heard coming from behind the camera angle. "Alright boys, had a good night?" the voice asked.

A half-cut Marc answered. "Yeah, man! Been bloody good fun!"

"And how many you had tonight?" The voice asked.

Gonzo answered, looking slightly worse for wear. "I lost count at... err... 13. 'Ang on, lemme check me empties..." He rambled, leaning over the table and counting glasses seemingly at random. There were several stacks of glasses that he counted as his, as well as half the table's collection of chaser glasses. "I make that... wot? 15 pints of Old, and 7 whiskey chasers." He stated proudly.

The voice was laughing. "How'd you know whose glasses are whose?" It asked.

"Ah, thass easy! Replied Marc. "Y'see, I bin on the Armada all nigh' an' it don' leave scum up the inside of the glass like wot Old does. See?" He explained, holding up 2 different glasses, one with no scum, one with. "An' I stacked my chaser glasses here, see? Gonzo didn't." He finished, a look of concentration having worked it's way onto his features at having to think about the arrangement on the table.

The video continued for a while and ended up with the two singing along to Tay Zonday's Chocolate Rain, played from Gonzo's mobile.

As the video ended, both girls were laughing uncontrollably at seeing the two males in front of them make complete idiots of themselves with their off-key singing and general semi-drunk behaviour. "Don't give up your day jobs, boys!" Shego wheezed, struggling to breathe through the laughter.

After they'd calmed down a bit, Kim had more questions... "So lemme get this straight, you two were only half drunk after 15 pints and 7 shots of whiskey?! That's just crazy! How do you do it?" She inquired.

Shego nodded. "Yeah! Even I can't drink anywhere near that much in a night!" She added, looking at them with something akin to awe. "And how come you looked better than Gonzo? You'd both had the same amount."

Marc, grinning from all the praise, explained why the older male was in worse condition. "Well, see, I'd been drinking Armada, which is about 4.5 percent, and he'd been drinking Old, which is what? 5.something innit Gonzo?" He asked to be sure.

"Summat like that, yeah. Fancy a challenge seein' if you can keep up, Shego? We'll leave out the shorts, I think. Not in the mood for them tonight." Gonzo suggested.

Shego, not one to back down, especially after a few drinks, put on her 'game face'. "Line 'em up, bitch!" She challenged.

Gonzo smirked. "You're going DOWN!" And with that, left for the bar. Kim, sensing an opportunity to do some digging on Marc, followed him out.

She nudged him as he stood at the bar. "Oh, hello. What can I do for you?" He asked, seeing the look on her face.

"DoesMarcreallylikeme?" She babbled, speaking almost too fast for Gonzo to understand.

He paused long enough to play her question over in his head at a more coherent speed before answering. "Kim, he's giving up smoking for you. He'd probably give up wanking as well if you asked him. So yes. Next question."

Kim had to think about the answer for a minute. The alcohol in her system was causing her thinking to lag behind somewhat. "So he definitely likes me?" She asked to clarify.

"Yes..." Gonzo replied in a bored tone. "Next."

"Oh, ok. Do you think we're compatible? Cuz, I mean, I've not had a great dating history, and the boys I have dated all said I'm a control freak. Do you think I'm a control freak? I mean, I know I can be bossy at times, but I didn't think I was controlling. Oh god! Maybe I**am** a-" Kim was silenced when Gonzo clapped his hand over her mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, woman! You talk WAY too much! Now, you gonna keep shtum and listen?" When she nodded, he removed his hand. "Right, first question: Do I think you're compatible? Probably. Ah! I'll give you the reasoning in a minute. Second question: Do I think you're a control freak? I can't honestly answer that, cuz I can only go by what I've seen on the box, but there's a good chance you are a bit... overbearing." He paused for a moment, letting the answers register, and grinning at the look of outrage on the young redhead's face.

"I am NOT overb-" She was silenced again.

"Shut up. I'm not done." He gave her a look that showed he wasn't amused at being interrupted. "Now, because of your slightly overbearing nature, which was more than a little evident just now, lead me to the answer to my first question. Marc's a good bloke and likes to do his best to keep a woman happy, and strikes me as a little submissive in nature. That said, he can be assertive when the need arises. He's no wallflower, and definitely not another Ron, especially if it involves standing up for someone he cares about. Next?" He finished, nodding to the barman and holding up all ten fingers and pointing to the Old pump before giving the thumbs up as the barman nodded in response.

Again, it took Kim a while to process the information, although the look on her face was one more akin to jubilation than outrage and she jumped up and down on the spot, clapping her hands and squealing, stopping the instant Gonzo gave her another one of his looks. 'Seriously! He's better at getting his way through just a look than I am! What the hell?!' She thought. "Erm... what does he do? Like, hobbies and work and stuff? I mean, I know you and him seem to drink a lot, but that can't be all you do?"

Gonzo had to think about that one. "Well, aside from the drinking, he spends a lot of time on the chan boards, he's the drummer in our mate's band, he likes to draw, and when he's not riding his nasty commuter, he's working on the ex-army MT500 he's got in his garage. I talked him into buying one after I got mine finished. As for work, he's one of the skivvies in the loony bin at the hospital."

"...I thought you said you had a Supermoto?" Kim inquired, suddenly picking up on the inconsistency of Gonzo's answer.

"I have. But I've got an MT as well. And another 5 bikes in the process of being rebuilt too." He answered easily, having had to explain his rather obsessive collecting of unfinished machinery to anyone who asked.

"Oh. Erm... why?" Kim probed, curious as to why he had so many bikes.

"I'm obsessed, basically. I'm not happy unless I'm covered in grease with tools in my hands."

"Ok. Um... does he have any girlfriends? I mean, close friends that are girls, cuz, y'know, I don't wanna get the wrong idea when I see him with some other girl. I... get jealous easily." the teen confessed, hanging her head a bit.

"I dunno. I think he's got some burd from where he used to live he thinks of as a sister and a few others he knocks about with when he goes back up there for a weekend or whatever, but I don't think he's interested in any of them in the romantic sense..." Gonzo replied.

"So... he's only ever been interested in me? Even though he might never have actually met me in person?" Kim asked, putting 2 and 2 together.

Her question caused Gonzo to chuckle. "Something like that, yeah." He replied simply. "Come on, as you're here, you can gissa hand taking the drinks back out."

He slid one tray onto the hand of his fully functional arm and held it aloft on his fingertips the way a waiter would. Kim used both hands to pick up and carry the tray, having to let Gonzo open the door with his bad arm.

They rejoined the other two just in time to see Marc get a backhander from Shego, the green woman looking at him in disgust.

FOOTNOTE: Oooh! 'Nuvver cliffy! What did Marc do or say to set off Shego's temper? And what had they been discussing while the other two had been at the bar? Well you ain't gonna find out 'til next chapter! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

...Ahem.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Erm...yes. I realise if Shego was an actual /b/tard, she probably would have seen the threads on the boards, but please imagine she's ignorant of them. Or something.

Chapter 4

After Kim had followed Gonzo out of the annex, Shego had a similar thought to the redhead and started bleeding Marc for information. "So why are you and MulletMan so into us?"

Marc sat and thought about the answer for a moment. "Well, it started with the cartoon to begin with. Y'know, had a good plot, strong characters and is generally entertaining. Then Gonzo found this site where fans of TV shows and books and shit post stories they've written about 'em and linked me. That and the KP threads on the chan boards got us hooked." He finished with a shrug.

The thief was instantly suspicious. She knew anything involving a chan board and them in the same sentence couldn't be good. "KP threads? What was in 'em?" She demanded.

The younger male was silently kicking himself for opening his mouth. 'Gonzo's gonna rape me with a cactus!!' "Err... I... don't think you really wanna know." He replied uneasily.

"No, I really do. And what about the stories? Are they as bad as the pictures you don't wanna show me? And I can only guess the pictures are Rule 34 material!" She demanded, getting angry.

He answered in a small voice, cringing as he did so. "...Worse..."

Shego's eyes narrowed dangerously and she leant in closer. "What d'you mean 'worse'? You'd better get that tongue working or I'll make sure you're never able to look at your precious pictures ever again!" She lit her clenched fists and brought them up close to Marc's face, making him sweat, for emphasis.

The poor Englishman nearly shit a brick. "Well... erm... basically, the ones we read mainly focus on you and Kim... err... together. Like... intimately." His voice had got more scared and unsteady while he was talking, afraid of what Shego and Gonzo were gonna do to him.

"OH MY GOD!! That is just _SICK!_ I don't even fucking **LIKE** her! What makes either of you two sick retards think I'd _EVER_ sleep with her?!!" Shego raved, waving her hands about for greater effect. She was so incensed that **anyone**, let alone _her_Gonzo, could even **dream** of such obscenity, she'd completely forgotten to be violent.

Marc, not realizing the question had been rhetorical, opened his mouth again. "Um... Wishful thinking?" He offered hopefully.

_**SLAP!**_

His head snapped round with such force that he thought it had gone full circle. The pain took a few seconds longer to register, along with the fact Kim and Gonzo were back, and looking at him. One with concern, the other as if he was something highly amusing.

Shego also noticed the other pair's return. Looking from one male to the other with utter contempt, earning a raised eyebrow in confusion from her boyfriend, she said with such venom they could taste it, "You two are disgusting!" And promptly headed for the toilet.

The beard looked confused. "What? Why am I disgusting now?" He inquired, clearing a space and setting the tray of beer down, Kim doing the same.

Marc looked nervous, rubbing his stinging cheek. "Err, Gonzo, you're coming outside for a fag." He stated, getting up and grabbing the other male's arm. He knew Shego wouldn't be long and he wanted to get out before incurring any more damage.

"I thought you'd given up?" Gonzo asked, refusing to be dragged anywhere.

"Allow me this last one, you fiend!" He demanded, shaking his fist at the bearded man, who shrugged and followed the younger male out. Just as they were leaving, Shego was entering through the other door.

Kim was at a complete loss. She knew she'd missed out on something big, but had no idea what. She'd seen Marc get slapped by her nemesis and both males get called disgusting, but nobody had let her in on the joke... "Shego, what's going on?" The half-cut teen asked.

"Babyface and MulletMan get off over stories and pictures of us getting intimate." The green thief spat.

Kim looked mortified. "You're joking!" Shego shook her head, a dead serious look on her face. "OH MY GOD! That is SICK and WRONG!" She exclaimed. "What...how...who?" She stammered, not quite sue which question to start with.

As Shego was relaying the finer details to the redhead, Marc was outside doing the same to Gonzo, the pair taking a few long drags on some of Marc's last cigarettes. Gonzo didn't usually smoke, but the sitch called for extreme measures. "She started interrogating me once I mentioned FF.N and threatened to toast my eyes! I had no choice but to tell her everything!"

"And just how much of 'everythin' did you tell 'er?" The taller man asked suspiciously.

"Just that the stories we read were about them together. I never told her what the pictures were of, she guessed that much herself." Marc replied defensively.

"Alrigh', alrigh'! Only askin'! Anyway, if that's all you told 'er, how bad can it be? It's not like she knows about the stories that got her shaggin' Ron or Drakken." He reasoned out loud. He imagined they and the authors of the stories would end up in early graves, cremation not an option, if she ever found out. "Back into the fray then?" He suggested as they finished their fags.

Marc nodded, stepping on the smouldering butt. "Yup. Get it all over an' done with." The pair headed back inside, bracing themselves for any abuse that was bound to come their way.

Gonzo, walking in first, found himself being assaulted by both females at the same time, getting a flaming slap to one cheek, and a regular, but overly hard one, to the other. The combination made him feel slightly dizzy and his ears were ringing.

"...Ouch." He said irritably, putting his smouldering beard out. "Have you got any idea how long it took me to grow that?" The disabled drinker asked nonchalantly, while thinking 'Ok, maybe it can be that bad...' "And how come Marc gets let off?!" He demanded.

"He gets let off because Shego already slapped him and he was honest enough to tell us about you forcing your sick perversions on him!" Kim replied venomously.

"Sick perversions? Forced? What the fuck is wron-"

"Yes! They're sick! Why? Why do you read that shit?!" Shego cut him off.

Gonzo came back with the reasoning without even thinking. "Let's see... It has something to do with the fact that 1)We never thought you existed. 2) Never in a million years did we think we'd ever meet you, let alone be good enough for you to trek halfway across the globe and come down the pub on something close to a double date if you did, and 3) You're the two hottest females on this godforsaken rock, every straight man loves lesbians, so it's a natural progression. Doy!" He finished heatedly, slapping his forehead for emphasis.

The thief ignored the harsh tone and the use of her trademark insult. She did exactly the same thing when she said something that came from the heart. "Aww. That's so sweet! I never looked at it like that."

It was obvious that Kim hadn't either. A slightly comprehending, almost soft look crawled over her face. Then she glared daggers at Shego for looking like she was about to let him off. On seeing the look, the thief went back to being pissed off. "But that doesn't change anything!" She stated, before shooting a questioning look back at the redhead, who nodded. "No! It doesn't! I still think you're wrongsick! Wait, I just used a Kimmie term... what the fuck?!"

Marc, who had been lurking in the background out of harm's way, decided to try and make it up to Kim and take some of the heat off his friend. He came up behind her for a hug. "Love you." He said in a pathetically apologetic tone.

Just as he was about to link arms, Kim opened her mouth. "Get off!" She ordered. "Ok." He answered in the same breath, instantly removing his arms.

The other couple couldn't help but laugh at the brief exchange. It was perfectly clear who'd be wearing the trousers in that relationship. Gonzo had an idea his would probably end up similar, but he was gonna have something to say about that.

The redhead looked over at the sniggering pair. "What are you laughing at? She demanded, glaring.

Gonzo was about to come back with a witty reply but Shego, remembering herself, shot him a glare of her own. "No, seriously, not funny!"

The beard looked confused, but dropped the matter with a shrug. "Whatever. Now, I dunno about you, but I got 5 pints to get through." He stated, reaching out and pulling one of the trays closer.

"Not before me you don't, cripple boy!" Shego replied, getting back to the original matter of outdrinking her boyfriend.

Kim rolled her eyes and huffed, folding her arms, and Marc decided to do something to diffuse the hostility. "Come on, Kim. Let's go and get something for us to drink." He suggested.

The half-cut hero protested. "But I went to the bar last time! Anyway, I still think you and him are sick!" She stated with conviction, although the reasoning behind it she couldn't find fault with. Gonzo looked at her over the rim of his second beer of the competition and grinned. Luckily for him, only Marc saw.

"Oh don't be like that! It's not as if we didn't give you an explanation!" Marc argued.

He had Kim on that one, so she huffed again and stalked out to the bar, dragging Marc with her. "Bring us in another ten Old while yer out there, mate!" Gonzo called between beers.

Within a few minutes, the pair were waiting for Marc and Kim to return with more alcohol. Shego had lost out on the speed round to the Brit, and he was making the most of the small victory by being, in her opinion, an arsehole. "Told ya I'd beat you, didn't I? Har har!" He exclaimed, giving her the finger.

She took exception to that and went to slap him. Again.

He saw it coming and grabbed her forearm, stopping it mid-flight. "That wasn't very nice, was it?" He asked sarcastically, smirking while he did so. He knew he was winding his woman up, but thought it only fair. Being slapped had hurt rather a lot, and being forced to admit anything personal in public like that was, for him, a BIG no-no. The gloves came off for stunts like that.

Shego, having had her attempt thwarted, and knowing another slap, or any kind of violence in general, probably wouldn't shut him up anyway, decided on another tactic.

He didn't see that one coming, although the last thing on his mind was complaint. Any thoughts of winding up the woman now attached to his lips were quickly banished as he got on with enjoying the PDA, much as a part of him was screaming, 'NOT IN PUBLIC!!! PUBLIC IS BAD!!! PUBLIC TAKE THE PISS!!!' 'What about the roof?' He thought back. 'Ah, that was different. THERE WAS ONLY THE DOZY OLD TOSSER THERE!!!' 'Fair point. Still, fuck off. I'm enjoying this. And you gotta admit, it's better than another slap innit?' And so that part of him shut up, not bothering to dignify the question with an answer.

The thief began getting into her 'distraction' a little too much for the situation, but found herself not really wanting to end it, even with the whole 'public-ness' of it all. PDA's weren't really something she was overly comfortable with, having spent years single, working for a moronic, mad, blue social recluse and having to be on standby 24/7. As such, knowing how to deal with people was something she had to re-master, leaving her a little off-balance. That and she was still meant to be pissed off at him for being such a pervert.

...Maybe she'd be pissed off later. Yeah...

Just then, Marc and Kim returned, another 10 beers for the competing couple and their own drinks. "Shego, Gonzooooooh dear. Kim, we're going outside for another fag." He stated, setting the trays down on one of the adjacent tables and dragging Kim back out. He noted briefly that Gonzo had given him a quick thumbs-up for the beer on his way out.

"Wha?" Was all she said in reply as she was unceremoniously dragged back out. She had been admiring some of the old photographs on the walls on her way in, thus failing to notice her nemesis and the beard doing their best to crawl down the other's throat.

On emerging back outside, Kim shivered slightly. It was actually beginning to cool down substantially, and her jacket was inside. "So, why are we back outside, and why are you smoking again?" She demanded, wrapping her arms round herself as Marc pulled one of the remaining cigarettes from the box in his pocket.

"Eh? Oh, those two were eating each other's faces, so I thought I'd leave 'em to it considering you and the spiteful one were ready to skin 'im alive earlier." He informed her while lighting the fag. "You want my hoodie? You look a bit cold." He observed.

"No, I'm fine." Kim lied irritably. She didn't want to accept any sort of help or sympathy from someone who thought that her and Shego together were hot. Although in her alcohol-addled state, she couldn't help but admit the pose the thief had pulled for Gonzo online was incredibly sexy...

"Come on, Kim. I can see you're cold and you can't stay pissed off at me the whole night. Least I hope you can't." Marc mused with a grin, shrugging out of the top and holding it out for the redhead.

She grunted non-committally but took the proffered clothing anyway, slipping it on and noting just how warm it was. 'Damn English and their ability to put up with the cold!' She thought. "Yeah, you wanna put that to the test?" She asked eventually.

Marc went back to being serious. "You know I don't. I dunno what's so bad about having a fantasy to be honest. It's not like you've never had one, I'm sure. And it wasn't like we were gonna _actually _try an' get you two to act ours out or anything." He reasoned, taking a drag while he left Kim to mull that one over for a while.

She did indeed think it over. Maybe their fantasy wasn't so bad. It wasn't like they were putting her with 'Drewbie' or Motor Ed or someone equally foul. She shuddered at the thought of DNAmy naked. No, Shego was definitely the lesser evil of the lot. "I suppose..." The redhead sighed, her shoulders dropping slightly. "But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I won't hesitate to... do something really unpleasant!" She warned, faltering as she couldn't, or didn't want to, think up anything particularly vindictive on the spot. Much as he'd pissed her off, he was still gorgeous, and funny, and sweet, and Gonzo thought they'd work well together...

Gonzo. 'How the hell could anyone like anything with a beard and a foul mouth like that?!' She wondered to herself. Then she reminded herself it was Shego, who was downright odd in her opinion.

Marc nodded at the warning. "I'll be sure to keep any such news to myself in future." He replied with a light-hearted smile, finishing his cigarette. Kim returned the gesture, the smile widening as he held the door open for her in a very gentlemanly fashion.

On Kim and Marc's re-entry into the annex, Shego decided to end their session of tonsil-tennis, wonderful though it had been. As she leaned back sporting a contented smile, her partner had to ruin the moment by pulling a ridiculous expression, the smile breaking down into a fit of giggles. "You retard!" She shot at him playfully.

Gonzo had also thoroughly enjoyed the, in his opinion, brief make-out session and, as he had a tendency to do after anything intimate, did something daft. Thus the face. Thankfully, Shego appreciated it if the giggles were anything to go by. "That's me." He said in reply to Shego's comment. "They only let me out the padded cells at weekends." He finished with a grin, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

"You two quite finished now, then?" Marc inquired, transporting the trays he'd bought earlier over onto their already overcrowded table.

"And you said I was bad!" Kim interjected before either could answer. Gonzo merely grinned, and Shego narrowed her eyes.

"For your information, I kissed him to shut him up! Besides, we were doing it properly. Your antics were more akin to something shy amateurs do when nobody's looking." Shego shot back, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes.

Kim glared, her face turning red from embarrassment and anger. She was just about to reply when Gonzo held up a hand, giving them both a look that silenced any upcoming arguing. "Ladies, shut up. Shego, drop it. Kim, you know you'd have done something similar if things were reversed. Now, there's beer to be drunk and I don't intend to delay it any longer by listening to petty bickering. Save it for the playground." And with that, he reached for another beer.

Both females fixed him with yet another withering look, but let the matter drop. Shego got on with trying to catch up with Gonzo's seemingly unstoppable alcohol consumption and Kim returned to her own drinks, Marc having sat down and started his own earlier, watching the trio's actions with mild amusement.

After a while, Kim started feeling a bit peckish and voiced a thought. "So, do you guys usually eat out on a first date?"

She suddenly wished she hadn't as the double entendre hit her, along with an atomised mouthful of Bonfire Boy. Marc and Gonzo, who had miraculously managed to contain most of his mouthful in the glass, were practically dying in their seats from laughing so hard, and Shego was giving her a look that asked, 'You do know what you just said, right?' The redhead managed to nod, too shocked at herself to speak.

The beard managed to get out a sarcastic remark through his fits of laughing. "Usually we -snigger- we don't make it past 'second base' before -snort- before they start thinkin' we've used -chuckle- date rape or something cuz we're still -snigger- sober." He then dissolved back into laughing hysterically and Shego rolled her eyes at him.

Within 5 minutes, the pair had calmed back down enough to have a quick swig before Marc replied with a sensible answer. "Well, it's not often we're out drinking with the fairer sex, so usually we end up down the kebab shop eating roadkill wraps, but as you've come all this way, we'll go for something a bit more up-market and stop at KFC on the way back.

Shego pulled a face. "You consider KFC up-market?! And here I was thinking with the amount you spend on beer, you'd have a half-decent palate for food!"

"We are but simple creatures, darling. After a few beers, anythin' tastes good. You'll see what we mean when you actually start eating it." Gonzo replied. Shego looked unconvinced, but didn't pursue the issue. Why would she? She wasn't the one paying...

After another hour or so of heavy drinking, Marc sorted out the bill and they left. Albeit rather noisily. Kim, now completely and utterly pissed, started complaining that the seats were comfortable and she had been enjoying the drinks and didn't want to leave. Shego wasn't exactly compus-mentus either, and Gonzo had to help steer her in the right direction for the door. He nearly got it wrong himself, having had at least 20 that night, ten of them having been sunk in rapid succession.

Marc brought up the rear, guiding Kim out the door with his hands under her arms to keep her upright and straight, and they made their way to the fast-food outlet.

"Marc?" Kim started.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"I love you. You know that, right? I mean, you've been so nice to me, buying me drinks and food and making sure I was warm enough. You're a really great guy and I love you." She stated, somewhat slurred. Turning her head to face him, she had trouble focussing, but ignored that and went to kiss him.

"Ow! Jeez, woman! You coulda warned me you were gonna do that!" He exclaimed as she headbutted his eye socket instead.

"Oh man! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! Are you okay?" The inebriated redhead asked, concerned. The alcoholic daze she was in didn't even register her own discomfort.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just... don't try that again until we're back at Gonzo's." He decided that was a safe bet.

"Okay." Kim replied, somewhat downcast at having misjudged the distance by such a margin.

Shego and Gonzo had been laughing at the pair the whole time, but immediately shut up and gazed elsewhere when Kim shot them a rather comical deathglare. They couldn't help but grin like Cheshire cats the whole of the rest of the short trek, though.

They ordered a 12-piece bargain bucket, again paid for by Marc as he felt he should probably owe his crippled compadre for life for managing to set this up, and they made their way back to Gonzo's.

What should have been a 5-minute walk turned into a 20-minute meandering bimble as the two males, hindered by Shego who was finding Kim's alcohol-addled state highly amusing, tried to keep the redhead upright, walking and conscious. Not necessarily in that order. They'd given up on coherent a long while ago and just let her ramble on about nothing for the entire journey, finding great amusement from her calling them all arseballs for not letting her just sit down and have a quiet nap for a while.

On arrival, they noticed the house looked completely dead. 'All the better for us!' Gonzo thought to himself. They could quite happily take over the place and tell anyone who happened to turn up at the door to fuck off. As they entered, he called out a quick 'hello!' before deciding the place was empty. His brother was probably staying with the old man for the night, his sister must still be out drinking illegally with her gutter-trash friends and his mum was obviously still out of town helping her boyfriend move house.

Once inside, Marc and Gonzo carefully deposited a now-unconscious Kim on the sofa and Shego followed them out to the kitchen. They figured they'd give her half an hour before waking her back up and getting her to drink some water and hopefully sober her up a bit.

"So, who's for a brew?" Gonzo asked, putting on the kettle.

"I'll get the milk." Marc offered on his way to the fridge.

Shego looked confused. "Wait, if you're making tea, what the hell was the point in getting the drink with the bucket?" She asked.

Gonzo shrugged. "English tradition. It's never a bad time for a cuppa. You want one?"

"Whatever." Shego replied. Gonzo took that as a 'yes' and pulled out 3 cups from the cupboard, dropped teabags in them and waited for the kettle to finish boiling.

While Shego and Marc watched Gonzo make the tea from their positions leant against various work surfaces, Kim regained consciousness and staggered towards the source of the noise. "Can everybody please stop shouting?" She asked at just above a whisper.

Shego rolled her eyes and Gonzo grinned. "Morning, Kim. Fancy a brew? Kettle's just boiled." He offered in a chirpy, yet quiet tone. Marc was busy hunting for another cup and a glass before filling the latter with water and handing it to the redhead, who gladly accepted it and sipped slowly.

"No, thanks. I'll stick with water for now. Have you got any painkillers?" She asked hopefully, still at just above a whisper. The beard pointed to a cupboard and Marc hurriedly fished out a couple of paracetamol.

"You look really rough you know, Kimmie." Shego told her with a grin. The resulting look of pure hatred had the near-sober trio having to really struggle to suppress the bout of sniggering that was threatening to take hold.

"I don't see how you three can laugh considering it's your fault I look like this!" She stated angrily.

Shego smirked, folding her arms. "Well it was about time you let your hair down and lost that 'butter wouldn't melt' innocence you so furiously cling to. And you looked like you were having the time of your life in the pub. For a n00b, you did really well at keeping up with the rest of us. Well done!" Shego actually grinned in a proud manner, ruffling the unsteady hero's hair.

Kim blushed at the praise from her adversary. "Anything's possible for a Possible." She mumbled before shuffling out of the doorway and taking a pew at the table.

While all this had been going on, Gonzo had finished the tea and the two Brits had stood supping theirs, watching the scene play out. They honestly thought the pair would be more bitchy towards each other. They supposed the alcohol was to blame for their friendliness. But then, alcohol tended to make you do things and act in ways you're usually too scared to...

...Hmmm...

The devious pair looked at one another and grinned evilly. They'd both come to the same conclusion. Tomorrow night, same place, same setup, but they were gonna bring dares into the mix...

"What're you two grinning at?" Shego asked, turning back to them. As she thought about it, she realised she probably didn't want to know.

"Nothing in particular..." Gonzo replied offhandedly, handing Shego her tea. "Do you wanna start dishing out the grub, Marc? I can see Kim staring longingly at the bag." He pointed out as he opened another cupboard and fished out four plates.

"Sure thing, buddy." Marc replied, grabbing the plates and strolling out of the kitchen, glad of his friend's sly change of subject.

"You may think you've gotten away with not telling me, but I'll find out sooner or later." Shego warned, fixing the biker with a serious look as she took a slurp from the steaming mug. "Man, this is really good tea! What is it?" She asked, staring into the mug in awe.

"It's just regular Earl Grey. Toldya everything tasted better after a session down the pub." He replied smugly.

Shego merely rolled her eyes and went back to drinking. Gonzo chuckled in response before heading into the dining room, giving Shego's arm a brief squeeze as he went past, making her smile.

He gave Marc a hand distributing the bucket evenly on the plates as the two ladies watched. "Well, grub's up." Marc announced.

"Grab a plate, we'll eat it in the other room. Means we got a bit of entertainment while we eat." Gonzo informed them, picking a plate of chicken and chips at random and somewhat clumsily picked up his tea by the rim of the mug with his limp arm. "Fingers o' steel, fingers o' steel, fingers o' steel...!" He chanted, walking quickly into the other room as the heat of the mug began to burn his over-sensitive fingers. 'Bloody nerve damage!' He thought heatedly.

The others followed him in, chuckling quietly to themselves.

Once seated, Gonzo in charge of the remote as usual, they argued over what to watch for a while before once again settling on Planet Rock, something everyone could put up with. Shego silently admitted to herself that, indeed, Gonzo had been right and the food did taste better after having consumed rather a lot of booze...

Within 10 minutes of sitting down, the doorbell rang. "What the fuck? If that's one of that bitch's friends, I'll skin 'em alive! They know damn well not to come knockin' after 10!" The irritable invalid griped, setting his plate to one side and getting up. He was planning to give them an earful before slamming the door in their faces. Shego did the same and followed him out, knowing she could be of some use scaring the little shits into never coming back.

As it turned out, it was the bitch herself and a few (very drunk) friends. She'd forgotten her key and was banking on someone being in. She just wasn't banking on it being her brother and Shego. On answering the door, Gonzo merely raised an eyebrow. "You know the rules about forgetting your key. Fuck off." He went to slam the door, but her and one of her friends stuck their foot in it.

"Yeah, I do, but mum's out and there's fuck all you can do to stop us coming in!" She replied.

"The cripple might not, but I'm willing to bet I can." Shego answered in a sinister tone, reaching over her boyfriend and pulling the door open, giving the crowd outside the door a good look at exactly what they were facing.

The rotund teen backed away in terror, earning a few choice jibes from her friends. Then one of them recognised Shego. "Oi, you're dressed like that burd from that kid's cartoon ent ya!" He yelled. "Fuckin' sad choice o' costume though. Couldn' even get it righ'!"

Gonzo merely stood to one side as Shego charged past him, both fists ablaze to the elbows. They'd soon learn she was the real deal and didn't take kindly to insults.

The group tried to scatter, yelling and screaming in fear, but couldn't get out of the gate quick enough before Shego was in the middle of them, a blur of fists, feet, knees and elbows. Bodies flew in all directions and the sound of breaking bones could be heard on several occasions. Luckily she had the sense of mind not to damage her man's sister too badly, merely knocking her unconscious, for fear of not being welcome in the house again.

Gonzo stood there leaning against the wall, a sadistic grin on his face, and Marc and Kim had watched with fascination and horror respectively as the irate mercenary despatched the group of lowlifes outside the door.

Once finished, she calmly strolled back inside with a smile, making the beard chuckle slightly. He pulled out his phone and called the police, stating that there was a bunch of drunken youths that had tried breaking in that were now lying unconscious outside his house, one of them claiming to live there.

The officer on the other end of the phone asked the reasoning behind their unconsciousness. Gonzo replied that after they had been asked to leave, they had gotten violent, so he enlisted some help in neutralizing the threat. Their injuries weren't life-threatening, but should serve as a warning not to attempt such foolish behaviour again. The officer laughed and told him the matter would be dealt with shortly before hanging up.

"What took you?" Shego asked as he returned to his seat and his food.

"I had to make a quick phonecall to get the rubbish collected." He answered cryptically. Shego grinned in reply. Kim and Marc left the issue, thinking it was probably best not to get involved.

After they were done eating, they spent a while chatting about the music being played and what bands they each preferred. Kim, once again, ended up getting ribbed for hardly knowing any of the bands in the lineup and for thinking hip-hop, r'n'b and dance were quite cool.

"What's wrong with it?" She demanded, getting defensive.

"What's_right _with it?" Marc replied. "It's all computer-enhanced voices and synthesized music about guns, sex, drugs and failed relationships. It's bollocks! And it's mainly sung by black people with too much bling and no style." (Please note: I am not racist, neither is Marc. This is merely the stating of fact from our point of view. Remember: Opinions are like clits. Every cunt's got one. This just happens to be, well, mine.)

"And what about the music you listen to? That's all about sex and drugs and relationships!" Kim argued.

"Ah, but the difference is, they could actually write decent lyrics back then, **and **it was original material. Not to mention they also sung about beer, fast women, faster cars and bikes, and living life at full-throttle and fuck the consequences. Or in Iron Maiden's case, war, death, the afterlife and the surreal. And they could all actually play the instruments and sing without needing a bloody nerd and a computer to enhance what they play to make it sound good. All while completely mashed off their tits 99 percent of the time." Gonzo stated. Shego and Marc merely nodded in agreement. Kim could only open and close her mouth, having no argument to come back with.

"We shall have to teach you the ways of the rocker, young glasshoppah." The beard said in a rather poor imitation of an Oriental voice.

And with that, they decided to turn in for the night. They'd use the coke that came with the meal as a hangover cure for anyone that needed it.

Climbing through the low doorway into Gonzo's room after the nightly ablutions, they all noted just how informal and cosy it was gonna be in the small room. Gonzo scrambled up the ladder onto his bed and motioned for Shego to follow, reasoning it'd be easier to get undressed up there than crowd Kim and Marc out and get undressed down there with them...

The arrangement worked, and the older pair deposited their clothes at the foot of the bed while the younger pair deposited them onto the office chair behind the desk. "Love the grundies, Princess." Gonzo joked. Kim, being the innocent cheerleader she was, still wore primarily white or pink and tonight was no exception. She stood there, hands on hips, glaring at Gonzo wearing a white sports bra and pink floral panties with matching socks.

"Don't listen to him, babe. He's just jealous cuz he can't get away with wearing pink." Marc said with a grin, slipping an arm round her waist and giving her a quick squeeze.

Shego sniggered at the comment, looking over at her boyfriend. He was laying on the side nearest the wall, one arm draped over her bare midsection and his head propped up on his limp one, and she was on the other, closest to the edge. There was about a foot gap between the edge of the mattress and the edge of the bed, so she had a 'safety zone' should she accidentally roll out. "He's right, you know. I can't pull off wearing pink to save me life. I end up looking like a bearded Don Johnson from Miami Vice." He answered seriously.

The image of Gonzo wearing a tight pink t-shirt and white suit was too much for the trio and they howled with laughter, Marc managing to trip over something and fall onto the makeshift bed, accidentally dragging Kim down on top of him.

"Steady on, Marc. We're only meant to eat out on first dates." Gonzo quipped, seeing the risqué position the younger couple were in. Kim hid her face in Marc's shoulder, blushing so much he could feel the heat coming off her face while the other two laughed like drains.

"He's not gonna let that one go, is he?" She asked quietly, head still buried in shoulder.

Marc thought for a minute. "Gonzo, mate. Are you ever gonna let that drop?" He asked.

Now it was Gonzo's turn to ponder. "I dunno. I might do eventually. Won't be for a good while though." He answered with a grin.

"And you tell **me** to play nice and drop it!" Shego exclaimed, incredulous. She reached back and slapped whatever part of him she could reach rather hard. "Before you ask, that's for being a hypocrite." She stated as Gonzo went to say something. He then shut his mouth and shrugged, deciding it wasn't a sensible idea starting an argument in such a precarious position.

"Well, as you two are pretty much in bed, I'm gonna hit the lights." He said, sitting up and yanking the pullstring, plunging the room into darkness. "And speaking of dropping things..." He let out an eyewatering guff that made the whole bed vibrate, and thus earned himself a black eye.

"That was foul, obnoxious and completely uncalled for! And it fucking stinks!" Shego yelled at him while lighting a hand to burn off the smell.

Though he was in a hell of a lot of pain, Gonzo couldn't help but howl with laughter, following Marc's lead as the younger biker had, once again, nearly died from laughing at the antics. Hearing his mate get punched in the eye was the icing on the cake for him.

Kim, like Shego, didn't find any of it very funny and had a go at all three of them. Gonzo for farting, Shego for punching him, then both males for laughing. Shego responded by telling the redhead she wasn't her mother and to shut the fuck up. Wisely, Kim had listened and crawled under the covers, clinging to Marc for safety.

Once the smell had dissipated, Shego did similar, although she purposefully hogged the covers.

"Oi, woss goin' on? I thought you had an 'elevated body temperature' or somethin'?" Gonzo asked irritably.

"I do, but I felt like being a bitch." She replied simply.

Gonzo heard Marc chuckle. "Fuck that for a game o' soldiers!" He stated before grabbing a handful of the covers and dragging them and Shego towards him, rolling her onto her back in the process.

"Ooh, getting forceful now?" She quipped, grinning.

"If it means I get what I want, yeah." He replied, slipping under the newly-liberated covers and making sure to spread himself out as much as possible, meaning draping an arm and a leg over the cover-hogging mercenary, limiting her movement somewhat.

"Hey, if you want your own personal space, I'll go and sleep on the couch!" Shego huffed.

Gonzo laughed. "Oh be quiet." He said while using the limbs draped over the thief to pull her in close. "If I wanted personal space, I woulda made the other two sleep downstairs."

"If you're gonna whitter on like lovesick puppies all night, I'd rather you had done, you fuckin' arse!" Marc suddenly spat.

"Sorry, mother." The beard replied in an effeminate tone.

"I should bloody well think so." And with that, Marc drifted off to sleep. Shego made herself more comfortable by shifting onto her side, ending up spooning with her partner, Kim had passed out long ago and was now completely dead to the world.

However, come 3am, we find Kim laying awake, staring at the ceiling and doing her best not to fidget. The alcohol had a very unwelcome effect, and she needed something done about it...

Making up her mind, she rolled over slightly and poked Marc until he rejoined the world of the living. "Hnnnnnng! Whu? Wossup?" He asked groggily, having to take a moment to remember where he was and who he was with.

Kim, in her most pitiful, pleading voice asked, "Can you do me a huge favour...?"

FOOTNOTE: Yet another cliffhanger! God, I'm an arsehole! You'll have to wait 'til next chapter to find out just what that favour is, and Marc's reaction to it...

I have no problem with the stories where people -do- have Shego paired up with Ron or Dr. D, but I imagine Shego definitely would if she -were- a real person, just to clarify. Now, I have no idea how to spell compus mentus, and the phrase basically means 'with it'.

Rule 34: There is porn of it. No exceptions.


	5. Chapter 5

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yakkedy shmakkedy with the apologies for the lateness. I'll admit I'm losing a bit of steam with my writing as of late. I got so much shit going on with my godforsaken existence at the moment, I'm having trouble dedicating enough focus to my fun...

Gonzo haet stress!

Chapter 5

Marc blinked a few times, pulling some truly odd faces as his eyes adjusted to the gloom and his brain slowly got up to speed. "Favour? Wha' in god's name can you need me to do at this time o' nigh'?" He asked, still groggy.

Kim blushed rather heavily. "Um... get me off?" She offered shyly.

"Get you off what?" Marc asked, not getting it at first. Then it dawned on him, and suddenly he was completely alert, eyes wide. "Ohhh! You're- Wait a minute. Are you _sure_ you want me to do that? I mean, we haven't even been on a date or anythin' yet and you're askin' me to finger you?" He wanted to be dead sure this wasn't just some alcohol-fuelled spur-of-the-moment idea and have her hate him for taking advantage.

Kim blushed harder, hiding her head in the crook of his neck again and mumbled the affirmative.

"So you're dead sure you want me to do this?" He asked again, just to be certain. Kim nodded into his shoulder. "Fair play. I just hope those two don't bitch at us in the morning..." The babyfaced biker grumbled in warning, looking up to Gonzo's bed to check they were still asleep.

Marc pulled the covers up further and rolled onto his left side to face a still red-faced Kim. Bringing a knee up to give him some room to work under the covers without making it look suspicious, he slid his right hand down into her underwear and found she was already rather moist.

Kim looked up at Marc and bit her lip as he traced a hand down her torso, whimpering as his fingers slipped inside her underwear, and gasping slightly as the digits explored her nether regions, having to stifle a moan by burying her head in the pillow.

* * *

(line break)

Gonzo, who hadn't been sleeping all that heavily for once (Come on, would you be able to completely nod off with one of these two lying by your side?) had been woken up by Marc's half-asleep ramblings. 'Man, does that bloke have any decency?!' He'd wondered, before he heard Kim's voice. The arsehole in him wanted to yell at them to STFU and go back to sleep, but the host in him kept an ear open as to what this favour might be should Marc not be able to help.

The beard was rather surprised, and a little envious, when the redhead relayed what it was she wanted... This he had to stay up for. And thinking about it, Shego would probably burn his beard off if he knowingly let her miss out on the fun too, so he shifted slowly and put a hand over the thief's mouth before gently shaking her to wakefulness.

Shego had been having a rather pleasant, if not odd, dream involving beer and fried chicken before she was woken up. She was just about to get awfully irate about having a hand over her mouth when she rolled over and caught the mischievous look in her partner's eye, the other having swollen shut and turned a lovely shade of purple.

Removing his hand, Gonzo motioned for her to be quiet and listen to the two below, making crude gestures similar to the ones Marc had made in the same room before they left for the pub. They listened as Marc made sure Kim was sure about what she wanted before continuing.

As Marc got busy with his hand, the older couple chanced a look over the edge of the bed at what was going on, somewhat disappointed by Marc's forethought in disguising his actions. Still, Kim's sound-effects made up for that, and the fact she couldn't keep herself from grinding onto Marc's hand.

Kim, for her part, was doing a Stirling job of staying quiet, with only the odd whimper, pant or heavily muffled moan escaping, despite the expert job Marc was doing. He had 2 fingers furiously working in and out of the redhead while trying to keep an outward appearance of innocence. 'Yeah, right.' Marc thought. 'Anyone listening would have _no_ trouble working out what's going down.'

Not that he wasn't enjoying having 2 digits 3rd-knuckle-deep in Kim Possible. A silly grin had itself plastered on his face as a certain other part of his anatomy roused itself from dormancy, although he was too busy with Kim to notice.

Shego ended up feeling a little left out, and discreetly whispered in Gonzo's ear whether he'd like to be doing the same to her. The lecherous grin on his face suggested he would, but he had other ideas... "I actually got a better idea, if you can wait 'til mornin'. I was thinkin' of usin' my fingers as a wake-up call, and suggesting you make enough noise to wake the two love-birds up..."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you!" The thief whispered back with a devilish smirk, and settled back into enjoying the free show.

A few minutes later, Kim was literally biting the pillow as Marc brought her off. Shego and Gonzo secretly looked on in amusement as the redhead quietly screamed out her orgasm, hip-bucking included.

After calming down, Kim opened her eyes and smiled sheepishly at her partner. "Thanks." She whispered, kissing him lightly on the cheek before closing her eyes and going back to sleep.

Marc, however, couldn't go back to sleep no matter how long he lay there with his eyes closed. He now had a raging hard-on and could do nothing about it without waking up with crusty keks. "Damn being in Gonzo's house with no fucking privacy!" He griped under his breath.

He looked up to Gonzo's bed and narrowed his eyes as one of the couple made a sound that distinctly resembled a snort followed by a silent bout of sniggering, but no matter how hard he strained to listen, he couldn't be sure.

After Kim had nodded off again, Shego and Gonzo rolled back over to make it look as though they had been asleep the whole time, but when Marc grumbled to himself about a lack of privacy, Gonzo couldn't help the strangled snort he let out while Shego had her fist in her mouth stifling the bout of sniggering she'd descended into.

Eventually, they drifted off to sleep again, leaving Marc awake by himself, but after a while he also nodded off.

* * *

(line break)

Morning came round all too quickly for the couple on the floor as they were dragged from their slumber by what could only be described as excessive moans of pleasure. It took them a while to realise what was going on (And for Kim to figure out why her head felt so muzzy), and who it was making the noise.

From what the pair could see, Shego was laying on her back with her knees bent, one arm by her side grabbing handfuls of the sheets and her hips bucking up and down. They had no idea what the other arm was up to...

Gonzo had propped his head up with his limp arm and had his good one down the thief's underwear causing the thrusting, his middle and ring fingers doing the work while he used his palm to rub against her clit. He wore a somewhat distant, distracted look on his face until he caught the movement below out of the corner of his eye. The beard suppressed a grin. "Damn being in my own house with no fucking privacy!" He bitched. On purpose. Shego opened her eyes briefly and grinned wickedly at him, mouthing 'You're SO evil!' before returning to enjoying the moment.

Marc was instantly wide awake and glaring at Gonzo with something akin to unhinged loathing. "YOU CUNT!! You two were awake for that weren't you?!"

The outburst brought Kim to full wakefulness. "Awake for what?" She asked, suddenly a little nervous.

Gonzo smirked. "'Wha' in god's name can you need me to do at this time o' nigh'?'" He repeated in a rather good impression of Marc.

Kim turned bright red, and Shego's moaning turned into a snort before she started sniggering uncontrollably. Marc's glare turned to a look of despair. "I fucking knew I wasn't safe in the same room as you!"

Gonzo smirked, quickly removing his probing hand, licking a finger and doing the whole imaginary chalking up a win before spinning his hand round and giving Marc the finger, noting just how sweet his woman tasted in the process. "Mmmmm. You really are as tasty as you look."

Shego stopped sniggering. "Thanks for the compliment, but when did I give you permission to remove your hand, bitch?! Put that thing back where it was right fucking now!" The mercenary demanded.

"Sorry, dear." The beard apologised in the same effeminate tone he'd used the night before, sliding his hand back under the cover and into his partner's underwear, causing Shego to start moaning again.

Kim, watching the exchange in silence, turned an even deeper shade of red as she worked out what was going on in front of her very eyes. "SHEGO! You're- I mean- He's-"

"Ge-ge-getting me off-ff-ff, Pri-Princess." The green girl finished for her as she approached her climax.

Gonzo seemed to sense this (or rather, Shego's actions and the look of pained concentration on her face screamed it like a banshee with a megaphone) and just as the thief was on the brink, slowed his fingers down by half. "Oh you di-hid NOT just de-deny me my orgasm!" Shego yelled in his face, the need for release now doubly insistent.

The beard looked thoughtful. "Umm... Yup. I'm pretty sure I did."

"But WHY?!" Shego whined, seemingly on the verge of tears.

"You'll see..." Was all Gonzo said, slowly picking the pace back up again.

"Dude, that was just plain nasty!" Marc commented, smirking. Gonzo merely nodded the affirmative.

"Yeah, why did you do that?" Kim asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. Like Shego the night before, Kim was getting slightly jealous of the attention the green mercenary was receiving. Not to mention, on some level, Kim was finding the show highly arousing.

"Watch and learn..." Gonzo answered cryptically as Shego approached another orgasm, only to be denied it once again.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! Why? WHY are you teasing me like this?! You're fucking EVIL and I HATE YOU!" Shego screamed, writhing under her partner's ministrations, tears of frustration in her eyes.

"I can always stop y'know." Gonzo reasoned, a serious expression on his face.

"If it wasn't for the fact you seem to know what you're doing, I'd tell you to fuck off and finish the job myself!" Shego shot back with some of her trademark bitchiness.

"You'll thank me in a minute..."

"I'd better! Or afterwards I'm packing my shit and going home!" Shego threatened.

"Oh really? Is that so?" The bearded biker asked, speeding up the pace suddenly and changing the angle of attack to try and hit her g-spot.

Shego's words caught in her throat at the change of tactics. The pace was the main cause, but the angle did have quite a lot to do with it. Through the lust-induced haze, she could tell what he was trying to achieve, and could do nothing but hope he managed it.

Gonzo was also hoping he could pull it off. He'd done enough 'research' on where to find the G-spot and how to go about reaching it, but it was still a 50/50 chance...

"OHFUCKME!!" The thief screamed. He'd hit it...

The resultant orgasm from the combination of having her G-spot tweaked and the build-up from being denied release twice had Shego practically paralysed as it took over her senses. Her vision swam, she went cross-eyed and her hands flickered on and off, burning holes in the bed linen and her partner.

The crippled Englishman ignored the toasting he was sustaining. He already had a black eye from the woman and willingly had his shlong turned into a colander. What were a few burns to go with it? He continued finger-fucking the thief, doing his best to prolong her enjoyment for as long as was humanly possible.

Eventually, her pleasure-induced paralysis receded and she collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily. "...Wow." Shego breathed, staring at the ceiling. "I'm still not thanking you." She said, looking into her partner's one good eye.

Gonzo shrugged. "No skin off my nose. I did what I set out to do, so that'll keep me happy enough." He quipped, withdrawing his rather damp hand and examining it briefly before licking it clean.

Kim piped up. "Dare I ask what it was you set out to do?" She asked hesitantly.

"Two things really. One was to wake you both up with her moanin', the other was to make sure I gave 'er the best wake-up call evar!" He grinned, draping his arm over the woman in question.

"Mate, I think you managed the second one just by not waking her up with another fart!" Marc interjected, laughing.

Shego groaned. "PLEASE don't remind me of that! Seriously, I've never smelt something so foul in my entire life!"

Her boyfriend merely grinned. "Coulda been worse. I coulda pulled the covers over yer 'ead."

"Yeah, but you didn't because you knew you'd be sleeping on your own sofa for that!" Shego shot.

"True." He replied. "So, Marc, you're cookin' breakfast, righ'?"

Marc looked confused. "Am I?"

"You are now."

"...Why?"

"Because Shego's gonna return my favour an' I'm thinkin' you probably won't wanna watch that."

"Hey! I agreed to do no such thing!" Shego exclaimed, shooting Gonzo a dirty look.

"Kidding, sweetness." He replied. "I just can't be arsed to cook this morning."

"But G, your Full English brekkies are made of win and tasty!" Marc blurted, deciding he'd try dropping his friend in the shit.

Gonzo sighed in frustration, falling back onto the bed. Kim looked questioningly at Marc, Shego at Gonzo. "You want me to cook now, don't you?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

Shego rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her hand. "Well if you do, I might agree to return the favour..." She suggested in a... suggestive tone, complete with dirty grin.

"Blackmail... Always such an effective means of getting people to do what you want..." The older male sighed, resigning himself to having to summon the energy to cook up four of his monster breakfasts. "You two may leave. I'll be down in... err... soon." He waved in the direction of Kim and Marc.

As the pair were leaving, Gonzo called out one final request. "Do us a favour an' dig the food outta the fridge/freezer. Mushrooms are in the veggie bin at the bottom, hash browns are in the second drawer up o' the freezer."

"Got it, mate." Marc replied, heading out.

Kim followed him, glancing quickly up at the bed before she left. Neither of them were awake or cold enough to realise they were walking around in their underwear. Not that it really mattered. "Are Gonzo's breakfasts really that good?" The redhead asked once they'd got downstairs.

"Kim, you have to eat it to believe it. This man is a god with a frying pan." Marc stated with conviction. "I just hope you can manage to fit it all in."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why do you say that?"

Marc wandered into the kitchen, opened a cupboard and pulled out one of 5 serving dishes that could double as a small dustbin lid, holding it up for Kim to see. "He fills these fuckers."

Kim's mouth hung open. "Y-you mean we get one of those EACH?!" She exclaimed in mild shock. Marc nodded, setting it down and pulling out another three before busying himself pulling ingredients out of the fridge/freezer and a few tins of beans out of a cupboard. He purposefully left the plum tomatoes where they were in the misguided hope that Gonzo might forget to cook them. Marc LOATHED tomatoes!

* * *

(line break)

Back upstairs, Shego had thrown the covers to the bottom of the bed and motioned for her partner to slide up into a laid-back sitting position as she slid lower down the bed to come to rest over his groin. "This breakfast better be worth it..." The thief threatened.

Gonzo rolled his eyes. "Always with the threats. Do you do anything for anyone else without expecting something in return?" He asked, folding his arms and looking her in the eye.

Shego pondered that for a moment. "Not usually." She quipped with a smirk. "Although maybe once I've figured you out, I'll make an exception."

"Darling, there ain't much to figure out. To keep me happy, I need a fast bike, money to maintain it, decent beer an' sex wi' you. Anythin' else is a bonus."

"Wow. Simple creature is simple. I doubt that's all there is to you though." Shego surmised, grabbing the waistband of his underwear and yanking them down.

"Ow! Watch it! I spose you're righ' though. You'll just have to work the rest out yerself." Gonzo replied, shifting slightly to make himself more comfortable. He noticed Shego was looking objectively at his manhood. "Something wrong?"

"Wha? No. Just wondering if you coulda got any more rungs in... And you missed a spot when you shaved."

"Ohhhh no! I ain't goin' through that again! You'll be 'appy with five an' the PA or I'll expect you to get a few yerself. An' where'd I miss?" He asked, looking down.

Shego giggled. "I was joking. And what would you want me to get pierced anyway?" She asked, tracing a finger along the underside of her man's hardening length, feeling the bulges caused by the metalwork.

Ignoring what the thief was doing, Gonzo pondered that for a while, stroking his beard in thought. "I dunno... Nipples and clit are always good. An' I saw this burd once with piercings in her back that went down in an arrow shape... That looked pretty cool. I know what I'm gonna get next too."

"Okay, titties and genitalia I can live with. Getting shit shoved through my back? No. Fucking. Way." She deadpanned, lightly flicking the male's helmet to emphasize the last three words.

"JESUS H. CHRIST!! What the fuck was that for?! I only bloody suggested gettin' it done!" Gonzo exploded as the still-sore protrusion was rudely disturbed.

Shego sniggered. "Just making a point, 'darling'. So what're you getting done next?" She asked before finally going down to lick the hard member.

* * *

"The webs o' skin in between me fingers. Reckon that'd look wi-wicked!" He said enthusiastically, stuttering slightly on the last word as Shego's tongue circled the tip of his cock. The woman made a noise of approval, but was now more interested in... other matters, so he dropped it and concentrated on enjoying himself.

--LINE BREAK--

Eventually, after Kim and Marc had gotten thoroughly bored with waiting and taken over the TV, Shego and Gonzo ambled downstairs, also having neglected to dress. They'd locked all the doors and nobody would be home until at least mid-afternoon, so there was no point.

"Spose I'd better get on with cooking some grub then. You like tomatoes, mushrooms an' black puddin'?" Gonzo asked as he wandered into the kitchen and turned the oven onto a low setting before opening a cupboard and pulling out a monstrous frying pan. He set it on the biggest ring and poured a bit of olive oil into it, lighting the hob and turning that down to it's lowest setting.

"Black pudding?" Shego inquired. While she'd done a lot of globetrotting, and actually spent a fair amount of time in England, Black Pudding was something she'd yet to come across. She was usually far too busy working or sampling the really expensive crap to give much thought to the working man's nosh.

"Blood sausage? Pigs' blood, onions, fat, spices an' oatmeal. Bloody lovely stuff. Er- excuse the pun." He replied with a smirk, opening the oven and sliding the stack of serving dishes into it to warm up.

"Oh right. Erm... I... don't know if I like the sound of that actually." She confessed.

"I thought it'd taste rank too. Then I tried it. Gwaaan! You know you wanna try some!" The beard prodded. Shego gave in and agreed. "Good stuff! Now to go an' see what the others want." He said, sidling through to the other room.

The younger couple had been busy chewing on each other's faces and groping when he walked in, but he merely rolled his eyes and threw a cushion at them. "OI! What you two want with yer brekkies? I know you're not having tomatoes Marc, but the rest of us might want 'em."

Marc ignored the dig. "Usual for me, mate. Go easy on the beans though." Gonzo nodded.

Kim looked unsure. "What do you usually have with one of your breakfasts?"

"Bacon, beans, sausages, fried eggs, mushrooms, hash browns, plum tomatoes, black pudding, toast or fried bread and... that's about it." He counted off the ingredients on his fingers.

Kim made a face. "Black pudding? Gross!"

"You ever actually tried it, Kim?" Marc asked.

"...No." Kim replied sheepishly.

"Then how'd you know it's gross?" He reasoned.

"It's made with pigs' blood! How is that not gross?!" The redhead retorted.

"Just try it. It's really nice if you can get over what it is." Marc assured her.

Kim still looked slightly unsure, but agreed anyway. With that, Gonzo headed back into the kitchen, stopping briefly to give his yawning girlfriend a quick kiss before getting busy with cooking up a storm. Marc and Kim wandered through and took up seats at the table, gazing through the doorway to watch the older male flit about in the kitchen.

He piled the ingredients into the pan before getting out two small saucepans and loading them up with beans and tomatoes, getting out a larger one and pouring some more olive oil into it, throwing a load of herbs and spices in before mixing them with the oil as it heated up.

Quickly turning the contents of the frying pan, he then went to chopping up the large open mushrooms into half-inch slices and piling them in the pan filled with oil and herbs, chucking a lid on it and stirring the other two.

Whipping open the oven, he spread the dishes about on the shelves before concentrating on the frying pan. "Marc, you couldn't do the toast, could ya?" He called as the pan started to get up to full temperature. "Ow, fuck!" The cripple yelled.

Marc laughed before getting up and going to assist his friend. "Watch out for the fat, man. Tends to spit." Marc said sarcastically, loading up the toaster.

"No shit!" Gonzo replied. He continued to bitch, swear and growl the entire time he stood there, occasionally twitching when the boiling fat hit a particularly sensitive area.

Kim piped up. "Seriously, why don't you put on a t-shirt or something?"

The swearing chef just looked at her. "You want your breakfast cooked or carbonized?"

"Cooked, please." She replied.

"Then STFU. I'm workin'." And with that, he went back to distributing cooked items on the dishes, filling the resultant space with more of whatever and stirring the other pots.

A short time later, Gonzo was walking out with two of the huge dishes, an intense look on his face and various red spots from hot fat. Marc followed out with the other two and they set them down on the table. "Wow!" Kim gasped, somewhat awestruck. "Marc said you filled them, but I didn't think he meant this much!"

"Yeah, there's enough here to feed an African family for a week on one plate!" Shego exclaimed.

"You complainin'? Cuz if you are, me an' Marc'll eat yours as well!" Gonzo threatened, seating himself next to Shego and getting stuck in. Both girls shook their heads and began eating, both surprised that what their men had said about Black Pudding was true.

After breakfast, which had left the two ladies feeling bloated, they lounged around for an hour or so discussing what to do with the rest of the day. Eventually deciding on doing some 'sightseeing' ("Although why the fuck you wanna walk round this nasty, shitpox town is beyond me..." Gonzo had said.) they set off out to amble around the concrete jungle after finally getting dressed. Gonzo insisted on leaving a note informing people that they'd all be back, referring to Kim and Shego as 'the sexy green lady and the redhead' so people didn't get confused.

"You're right. This place is the pits!" Complained Shego, kicking an abandoned coke can into the road and stuffing the hand that wasn't holding the beard's in her pocket.

"I'll admit it's not what I'd expected..." Kim agreed, albeit in a more courteous manner.

"Kim, it's okay. We think the place is just as bad as you do. Think yourself lucky you haven't had to deal with the chavs, emos an' foreign students yet." Marc informed her, adjusting the position of his arm round Kim's waist.

He spoke too soon.

"OI, BOGEY-FEATURES 'ALLOWEEN IN'T 'TIL OCTOBA!" A bleach-blonde 'chavette' laden with cheap Argos gold screamed at Shego from the window of a passing car, the sound of laughter following it.

"Kim! What's that?!" Gonzo yelled, pointing in the opposite direction of the car, frantically signalling to Shego that now was the time to do some damage if she'd planned it.

"What's what?!" Kim exclaimed, scanning the horizon in the direction he'd pointed. Shego did indeed take the opportunity to cause havoc, aiming a ball of plasma at the road just under the car. The explosion caused the vehicle to flip forward onto it's roof and slide down the road a good distance, the occupants screaming in terror.

On hearing the commotion, Kim span round to see Shego looking concernedly in the direction Gonzo had pointed, seemingly having not heard the din. "Shego...!"

The thief _looked_ genuinely confused. "What? What have I done?"

The redhead narrowed her eyes, knowing Shego must have had some part in the accident, but due to not having seen it, had no evidence to support the accusation. "I'm watching you..." She replied threateningly.

"Oooh! The big, bad cheerleader's watching me! Don't watch too closely or you might get more than you bargained for..." Shego teased, grabbing a manically-grinning Gonzo and attaching herself to his lips, putting both of his hands on her arse. The display had Kim blushing brighter than a red neon sign and she turned away scowling, dragging a fitfully chortling Marc with her as she went.

Shego couldn't hold the kiss any longer and broke it, laughing like a drain and hanging onto Gonzo for support. The biker was still slightly dazed and confused at the PDA, and couldn't work out why the merc was laughing. He'd been making sure he gained as much enjoyment from the car crash as possible than what she'd been saying. Clearing his throat and doing his best to look compus-mentus, he posed a question. "So what'd I miss?"

The black-haired beauty regained her composure and waved it off with an "Oh never mind." And ambled after the other two. Gonzo shrugged and followed.

The rest of the walk was rather pleasant, save for the fact that Kim's paranoia over Shego blowing something else up led to rather a lot of situations involving Gonzo losing track of whatever had been going on, and Marc getting elbowed repeatedly in the ribs for encouraging them.

They stopped at a place called the Beach Café for lunch at around 1pm, bumping into a load of Gonzo's riding buddies who were there on the same premise, before taking a stroll along the promenade (Which had Gonzo bitching about old people and women that insisted on offending the world with their bodies that really didn't belong in bathing costumes... The latter griping had the trio listening in fits as he went on to explain in great detail, wild hand gestures and angry expressions included, why it should not be allowed.) eating ice-cream and commenting on the weather.

On returning to the older male's place of residence, they found it to still be deserted, although the note had been ripped up and it was obvious people had come and gone. "Well, it's... what? 5 o'clock an' it's not worth getting' to the Horseshit 'til 8 at the earliest, so we may just as well bum about 'ere until then. Oh, an' I spose Marc'd better do the washin' up from breakfast." Gonzo added with a grin as they ambled into the living room. He chose to stand for the moment, Shego joining him leaning against the doorframe.

"Oi! Why am I doin' the washin' up?" Marc demanded, frowning at his friend. "It's your house, you do it!"

"You got outta cookin' it this mornin'. Fair's fair, bitch."

"Yeah, but you got a fuckin' blowjob for cookin' it! I still ain't had chance to fap after last night!" Marc continued to argue.

The beard grinned even wider. "Oh hell yeah I did! (Which was amazing, sweetcheeks. Thanks.) An' I doubt Little Miss Lawbreaker's gonna give you one. I imagine it's missionary-only with the lights off an' no kissin' knowin' her." He replied, shooting a lecherous glance at Kim, who blushed furiously at the accusation.

"I am NOT that straight-laced, thank-you VERY much!" The redhead retorted, folding her arms and glaring daggers at Gonzo. All attention was now solely on Kim.

"Okay, come on then Princess; favourite position?" Shego joined in the 'get on Kim's nerves' game.

"...Not telling." She said, blushing all the more.

"Yeah you are! Spill!" The thief demanded. All eyes were on the redhead as she sat there fidgeting, trying to think of any reason at all to get out of telling them.

Finally, she gave in. "Okay, okay! I like the one where you lie back with one leg over his shoulder. Happy now?"

Gonzo shrugged. Shego nodded. Marc was grinning ear-to-ear.

"Marc... why are you smiling like that?" Kim asked tentatively.

"Because that position is made of WIN!"

"In English?"

Shego answered for him. "He's basically saying that's his favourite too. Now go amuse yourselves while my favourite plaything does the washing up." She ordered while sidling over and slipping her arm round the Brit. The younger couple got the hint, rolling their eyes and making their way upstairs to do who knows what...

"Since when did I agree to do the washing up?!" Gonzo challenged, taking the opportunity to slide a hand down the back of her trousers and grab a handful of green arse.

"Since I decided you did. Now hop to it or I start making your life difficult!" The thief threatened. Gonzo stepped away, giving her such a venomous look over the comment Shego wondered, briefly, if that had been a sensible idea.

"Don't get used to dictating what I do, bitch. You may be my twisted idea of perfection, but I'll still drop you like a stone if you're gonna try an' run my life." He warned, quite seriously, before striding off to the kitchen to wash up. Shego was left standing in the middle of the living room thinking that she really shouldn't be pushing her luck this early.

After the washing-up, the beard busied himself with shifting Marc's bike to one side and getting out the two they would be riding to the pub this evening. He had absolutely no intention of hanging about for the asthmatic, underpowered 125 and was going to loan him the Armstrong for the evening. He, of course, would be on the Gasser. Deciding to spend a bit of time going over the machines to make sure all was sound, the tools came out and the petrolhead began tinkering.

Shego came out to watch him work, deciding to stay off to one side and silent for now. She leant against the shed with her arms folded, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her face. The mercenary had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but found it almost therapeutic watching the man work, talking to himself all the while. He seemed so calm and at peace with everything despite the speed at which he worked. It was rather infectious.

Back inside, Kim and Marc had retired back to the bedroom and were now, as they had been that morning, down to their grundies and engaging in a heavy petting session.

The pair were eagerly devouring each others' faces, their hands roaming over every inch of exposed flesh and occasionally sneaking under waistbands and bra cups to get a taste of the as-yet hidden erogenous zones. Kim, having had no experience of sex outside watching it on her computer, was a bit nervous as to what Marc would expect of her. Admittedly, she could do anything, but deepthroat and anal were not things she really wanted to put into practice straight away.

Marc was obviously completely oblivious to this. He wasn't really fussed what kind of action his penis got as long as it was followed through to the finish, but was currently too busy feeling his way around his new girlfriend's more aesthetically pleasing areas. It took him a few attempts to unhook the redhead's bra, and she broke the kiss momentarily to slip out of it, glancing down with a shy smile and a rising blush as her hands played around the waistband of his boxers.

The young man shifted slightly, removing a hand from where it was located on the redhead's side to quickly remove his grundies and toss them away, followed swiftly by the redhead's garments. He took a minute to admire the view he was afforded as Kim leaned back, propping her head up on her hand with a shy smile and a blush.

"I-I hope you... like what you see." She offered in what she hoped wasn't too nervous a seductive tone.

Marc grinned. "Like it? I'm just waitin' for the devil to turn up and demand my soul! There's no way I'm lucky enough to see something this hot without a catch!"

This quickly had Kim's blush rising to previously unseen levels. "Oh stop it! You're just saying that!" She answered, playfully pushing her partner.

The beardless male gave her a serious look. "Does my boner tell you I'm just saying that?" He asked.

"Umm... no..." Kim replied sheepishly.

"Then get ready for the best 5 minutes of your life!" Marc exclaimed, jumping into action. He was kneeling up in the blink of an eye and flipped the redhead over onto her front, pulling her towards him and getting into position.

"Huh? Wait! What're you gonna do?!" Kim squealed. She'd been caught completely by surprise by Marc's flurry of action and didn't get the chance to react until she was lying on her front with her arse in the air.

"I woulda thought that was obvious, darling." The teen replied with a smirk.

"You're... you're not gonna put it where I think you are... are you?" The redhead asked tentatively.

"Well that depends on where you're thinkin'. I was just gonna go for the proper slot, but if you wanna try anal first, I'm not completely against it." He reasoned.

"No! No, my v...vagina's fine. Really!" She assured him.

"Good stuff. You ready?" Marc inquired, just to be sure Kim was ok with this.

"As ready as I'll ever be..." She responded nervously.

That was as good an answer as the male was expecting, adjusting himself and slowly sliding his way into the redhead.

"Ohhh goooodd!" Kim moaned, burying her face in the pillow as the pleasure of something hot, hard and human invaded her nether regions. 'This is _soooooo_ much better than plastic!' She thought to herself. Then Marc started moving himself in and out, picking up the pace exponentially until he was pounding into her like a jackhammer. And that was about the time Kim's mind melted...

The pair did indeed only go at it for about 5 minutes. Marc had had so little action up until that point he couldn't hold out much longer, and after Kim had howled out her second orgasm of the session, the lithe chap grunted and shot his load into oh-so-deliciously-tight snatch of Kim Possible. He reflected on that for a few moments before collapsing on top of her. The hero groaned slightly at the extra weight, but the man wasn't heavy enough that it was uncomfortable.

They lay like that for about 10 minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being close to one another. Eventually Kim began to get self-conscious about being naked in what wasn't even Marc's bedroom and the pair reluctantly, yet quickly, donned their discarded clothing. Making their way downstairs, they noted Kim's paranoia was unfounded as the other couple were outside with the bikes.

"Tea?" Marc asked, thinking it was never the wrong time for a brew.

"Umm... doesn't Gonzo have any soda or soft drinks or anything?" Kim inquired, having not gotten used to the two males' fascination with the acorn-shaded beverage.

"He's got some cheap squash, but that shit tastes utterly foul. We finished up all his lemonade and orange juice the other night when I brought round a bottle of JD." Marc recalled.

"Oh. Erm... tea it is, then." The redhead conceded.

**--LINE BREAK--**

As the time to leave for the pub approached, Gonzo packed his tools away and locked up the shed, heading back inside. The 'mechanical therapy' had completely changed his demeanour from the washing up incident, and he gave the green woman's nearest breast a quick squeeze on the way past.

"HEY!" She yelled at the beard as he let out a manic chuckle, spinning on the spot and chasing him indoors.

On bursting through the back door, they saw the other two drinking tea seated at the dining table. "I see you made us some then, ya git." Gonzo quipped as Shego proceeded to get him in an arm-lock and push him forward, slamming his head 'playfully' onto the table. "Ow."

"I did, actually. They're out by the kettle. Shego, I didn't know how many sugars you take, so I haven't sugared it. Yours is the one on the left." Marc informed them rather nonchalantly, paying no mind to his friend's current predicament.

"Thanks!" The merc chirped, releasing Gonzo and strutting out to the kitchen.

Gonzo stood back up, shaking his arm and head before letting out a string of muttered curses that had Kim blushing and Marc smirking. He ambled out to the kitchen and grabbed his own cup, sucking back a good portion while eyeing Shego with something akin to restrained rage.

The thief clocked the look and grinned. "Aw, don't be like that, honeybunch. You know I was only playin' around." She said in a mock-apologetic tone, batting her eyelashes sarcastically.

"I'm gonna scare you shitless on that bike. Make no mistake about that." He retorted, heading back out of the kitchen and upstairs to dig out some spare helmets for the two females. He returned a short while later with three helmets: His usual black Simpson Outlaw, a somewhat tired-looking pisspot with a pair of orange-framed sun-goggles inside, and a rather racy-looking blue and silver Nolan. He also had 3 pairs of gloves to go with the lids, one pair obviously far more worn than the others. "Drink up peeps, time to gear up an' head out. Oh, and it reeks of sex up there." He informed them. He'd finished his own cup and left it upstairs.

Marc and Kim drank up in short order, the redhead hiding her blush behind the cup, while Shego just stood there nonchalantly. "I will finish my tea when I'm good and ready." She stated. The beard merely shrugged and started pulling on his leather jacket, Marc standing up and doing similar.

Kim stood there looking a little uncomfortable as Marc fished out one of Gonzo's older, smaller jackets. While she'd driven snowmobiles, jumped out of planes, used jetpacks and ridden in all other manner of vehicles, motorcycles were not among that list. Not knowing how to do something was a little alien to her, and having to ask wasn't something she was comfortable with. Especially in front of Shego. "Um... Marc? How-how do I..."

He finished for her. "You wanna know what to do on the back?" He surmised. A nod confirmed this. "Basically, feet on the pegs, hold onto the grabrail-err, rack even, and lean with the bike, not with me." He reeled off.

Kim nodded that she'd understood and began gearing up herself. She grabbed the Nolan and the least-worn set of gloves, rushing upstairs to change her footwear to something a little more robust.

Meanwhile, Gonzo was putting on a black wind mask that covered the lower half of his face, leaving his eyes and forehead exposed. Grabbing the pisspot, he pulled on the sun-goggles before jamming the battered headgear on. Dressed like he was, the beard actually looked rather sinister.

Grabbing his favourite gloves, he stalked outside and pulled out a small bundle of keys, detaching one and sliding it into the Armstrong's ignition, finding another one amongst the rest and doing the same on the Gasser.

Shego was still calmly supping her tea while all this was going on, seemingly unfussed that everyone else was almost ready to leave and she hadn't even finished her hot beverage. It was only when Kim appeared at the foot of the stairs calling that she was ready did she bother moving.

Marc led Kim out into the yard where Gonzo was going to open the back gate. He turned on the Armstrong's ignition and flicked the dubiously-located left-hand kickstart out, before grabbing hold of the bars and trying to kick the beast into life, thinking that the feat would impress Kim.

"_**FUCK!!**_"

The beast had kicked back.

Gonzo had halted his trip back from the gate and was literally hanging off the wall howling with laughter. He had to pull the goggles up because they were misting up due to the tears of humour from watching his mate hobble round the back garden yelling obscenities that'd make a sailor blush, followed by Kim who was trying to get him to stop so she could assess the damage.

Then Shego strolled out, and Gonzo did a double-take. 'Fuck a duck if that catsuit don't look better inna flesh!' He thought. Even Marc had stopped his cursing to get a good look, which resulted in him incurring more damage as Kim clocked him round the back of his helmet. Coupled with the black Outlaw, Shego did look exceedingly hot. Even Kim had to admit that.

"Still gonna scare me shitless, darling?"

The beard dropped the goggles back in place. "You god-damn better believe it!" He growled, striding over to the Armstrong and giving the bike a fearsome kick in the guts, noting with satisfaction when it barked into life straight away.

Marc straightened. "Show-off."

"And?" He asked nonchalantly, striding back to the GasGas and doing the same with that, causing the back garden to start filling with a blue haze. "I take it you've ridden a bike before, sweetcheeks, so if you wouldn't mind poppin' it round the front while I lock up, that'd be wonderful." Shego merely nodded and walked past him, swinging a leg over the machine and pulling out of the back gate.

The younger male had since got himself back under control and was now swinging a leg over the Armstrong, throwing his meagre weight forward to take it off the centrestand. "Hop on, Kim." He said. The redhead did as asked, settling herself on the back as Marc pulled out.

Shortly, Gonzo was walking out of the front door, everything secured, and frowning in irritation as there was only the younger couple sat waiting patiently. 'Shoulda known she'd take it for a joyride...' He griped to himself as he heard the familiar scream of his beloved machine drawing closer.

"OFF!" He barked as Shego pulled up next to Kim and Marc. He could practically smell the smugness radiating from the thief as she swung her leg off the bike, theatrically curtseying as the beard quietly fumed. She knew she was winding him up, and didn't much care. It was fun.

Swinging his own leg over, he bent down to flick out the passenger footrests before bracing himself as Shego climbed on behind him, shifting up as close as possible and wrapping her arms round his waist. On purpose. He responded by nodding to Marc, who returned it, and pulling away at a rapid pace, turning the corner at the end of the road and pulling a huge wheelie all the way to the traffic lights at the end. The shriek that accompanied the rapid tightening of arms around the invalid's waist made him grin. 'An' I haven't even _begun_ the fun an' games yet...'

FOOTNOTE: Few reviews'd be novel. Dunno when chapter 6 will be done. I know what's going in it, it's just the fleshing-out. Oh, and I'll probably be updating FFaD next... Then S&M if I can actually decide just what the **fuck **to put in the next chapter.


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